Kabir Kadre
Kabir Kadre

Wrapping up through discomfort…

Kabir kadre|2 years, 2 months ago

Somehow I managed to make it almost 8 hours today before realizing the lack of sleep last night. Again the mysterious 2:30 AM body alarm rousted me to witness the remainder of the evening pass. Now, as the 6 o’clock hour approaches the weakness in my body is palpable, dysreflexia creeping up and cognitive capacity declining.

Outside, birds and bugs and butterflies zip about and what can only be described as the summer air. Tomorrow I’m told to expect temperatures in the 90s. From here, the forecast says only sun…

Up and down and up and down and up and down again we go on life’s roller coaster. The windchimes melody drifts in the window, an afternoon breeze as the ocean air rushes in towards the desert, Leonard Cohen chimes along in the background reminding us that all certainties are empty and eventually uncertain after all…

Thanks Leonard, good reminder.

I feel fortunate to have spent the good energy of the day working on the MettaCare project. Given the touchstone of Guiding (Evolutionary) Purpose, I find myself now using that stone to sharpen and hone the structure of my approach to the project.

Over the years with numerous collaborators I have generated a rather mountain of written work, power points, photos, articles, research papers, audio and video recordings and more all reflecting some facet of the gem that is MettaCare. My efforts today are the most significant I’ve taken to date to cohere all of this evolved intelligence (150,000 hours just from me by my count) into a clear statement of possibility outside of our own internal and implicit evolutionary dynamic.

The next step which I have happily made it substantially through today is to simply collate all of that material into some rough semblance of order and to cull through it to determine what essentially is present and begin to shape that form that will emerge as the diamond from the center of all of these perspectives.

The task has felt a little daunting, but with a nod to Leonard, I’ve begun to find the cracks that seem to be letting the light in.

Meanwhile with the sorely lacking sleep last evening, I’m ramping up my efforts to find some way to better rest. Today that means dosing with CBD oil, taking a nice hot shower, and aromatherapy with oils on the way to bed tonight. Wish me luck. 🙂

I had a nice catch up with Dr. Mike today, I’m so curious to see the ways that individuals are reorganizing, reorienting, not only to their own lives, but also organizational initiatives and structure as well. An optimistic view might imagine that the frothy decay and dissolution of all of those things familiar might be giving way to some new latticework of inspired endeavor to come forward.

On a personal note it seems I might have some sleep apnea going on. My working hypothesis is that this has to do with the absence of Feldenkrais work, osteopathic adjustments, and regular exercise therapy which traditionally have carried the load of my physical tuning. I’m not rushing just yet to address that head on, just taking in the data and will continue to reflect over coming days and weeks on what meaning to make and how to apply those assessments.

Cassandra came in from the grocery today with fresh supplies, big smile, and a wrap on her foot to help heal a minor twist she suffered over the weekend. We made our way out through the kitchen door, through the garage, and into the afternoon sun in the garden. A giant Monarch butterfly flitted about, celebrating the blooming of the milkweed. A raven took off, unwilling to share the space with those the likes of us.

We spent the next 45 minutes chatting and weeding, cleaning up around the yard and taking some measurements for some minor beautification efforts. There is a lovely streambed flowing down the front hillside, the head of which starts next to the sidewalk, looking a bit out of place just there next to the water meter. Eliana has recommended stones and a little extra planting.

Might have some stones behind the house, will have to check.

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God gets to know things, we just get to ask questions…