What is the value of love?
What are the synonyms for volatility? Charles mentioned in his last reply the up-and-down quality of the contents of these reports, as generally trending down. Indeed I can see how that would be a perception of this narrative. In fact as the window of time within which to resolve all of the various issues – housing, care, finance, support options, resource availability, etc. – narrows, the pressure on me and in fact the whole system does increase.
This increase in pressure trends towards more stress, poorer health, and greater urgency overall, certainly a downward trend of some kind.
On the other hand, what is trending upward is the resource of information, intelligence, and perspectives that have been offered on the process and possibilities presenting. I wouldn’t be so flip to say that the overall chart is trending neutral or even up, however this is precisely the area that has my interest overall — how do we consider all of these multiple capitals in relationship to one another in order to balance and manage them responsibly?
Training a new caregiver today, the conversation wandered into me explaining the distinction between the valuation of an underlying asset and its application to investment purposes intended to generate profit. Intrinsic versus extrinsic value came up and I offered an explanation by way of metaphor that struck me in the moment as a bit callous, but terribly applicable nonetheless.
A homeless person on the street of San Diego has essentially no extrinsic value. For all practical purposes, no one wants them. Yet that person has profound intrinsic value that our current marketplace simply doesn’t appreciate.
Of course this is quite two-dimensional and the likely reality is that that individual is valued as a person for their membership in some small community of homeless people who are connected to them, and you drive immediate extrinsic value from their engagement. Our current marketplace also values them intrinsically through social services and the occasional coins dropped in their cup on the corner. I think the point stands nonetheless.
As we spoke through intrinsic versus extrinsic value, risk analysis, loss mitigation and consideration of time frames when approaching an investment with any of our capitals, be they financial, social, health, environmental, etc. my new friend enthusiastically endorsed me for teaching these constructs.
Somewhere in my piles of work still remains the effort initially titled The Wealth of Being, which I intend to return to in order to develop online coursework, in person coursework, and written texts among others in the advancement of bringing a greater capital stewardship wisdom into more commonplace intelligence and application.
Today I am living an often painful and quite vital exploration of these kinds of capital threads weaving together. As you say, dear Charles, “the daily diaries portray a roller coaster ride, up down up down but trending down.” On one hand yes, this is true, a hard practical reality that options are narrow and anything but the worst will require the potential effort and no shortage of good fortune (in many ways seemingly in short supply). Yet at the same time, I have remained reluctant to surrender totally, throwing everything into the fire.
Perhaps this is a wise conservation of resources and effort, or perhaps a foolish absence of risk assessment and mitigation. Hard for me to see, hard for me to say.
Each day I’m investing the sum of my energy in holding the door open for possibilities to come in. There is a zero point towards which I could run. My friend suggests, sell the house, sell the car, “Then you can have yourself delivered to a hospital and just stay there because you will have nowhere else to go, which will force the issue; the State of California cannot leave you on the sidewalk and neither can any hospital. Otherwise the roller coaster ride will just get deeper and deeper as you spend down to zero.”
At the same time I suffer the openhearted and loving gazes of those around me encouraging me to bring forth the best I can; “You have lots to contribute on a spirit-front when you have reset and re-stablized your material platform, so we all are pulling for you, Kabir???”
Somehow in all of this, I am likely developing some knowledge capital, maybe a little spiritual capital, could even do some manufactured capital at the end of the day, at the same time I am spending health capital, social capital (also possibly building that as well), financial capital, and maybe some manufactured capital as well, just to name a few…
Trending down indeed though.
This morning I was unable to get out of bed before 11 AM, for lack of care. Behind already on my consulting contract work, the entire day was spent (nearly all of it) scrambling care resources, both training new caregivers, and interviewing possible others.
Thanks to Cassandra’s support I was able to get some grocery shopping (much-needed) addressed. I managed to liquidate a few thousand dollars more of investment assets to shore up cash flow. Additionally I woke to a handful of really supportive messages, one friend introducing me to a long experienced social worker might be able to offer additional insights, another referral to help me consider the value and potential of converting the home to board & care, and a third friend offering some bodywork to support my health in the journey. Social returns indeed!
One of our new care partners this week disappeared completely, leaving only a cryptic message about needing to handle daycare before returning to work, but no responses to any efforts to communicate after that. Another, as I said, stepped out entirely, and this evening a promising interviewee has vanished entirely, leaving us praying that her health and well-being were in no way compromised and that she is absent for reasons much better to her own vitality.
It’s an uncertain asset, in an uncertain market, this life of mine. Perhaps if nothing else, these words rippling out will leave some small wake of value from this investment of madness and delirium.
I can tell you this, I am brokenhearted, I am lost, the pain I suffer is worst for the pain it causes others. I drive forward, not to salvage myself, but to find the path of love. For me, at the end of the day, it’s all about just looking for the best ways I can find to give my life in love…
“I know the Way You Can Get
I know the way you can get
When you have not had a drink of Love:
Your face hardens,
Your sweet muscles cramp.
Children become concerned
About a strange look that appears in your eyes
Which even begins to worry your own mirror
Squirrels and birds sense your sadness
And call an important conference in a tall tree.
They decide which secret code to chant
To help your mind and soul.
Even angels fear that brand of madness
That arrays itself against the world
And throws sharp stones and spears into
And into one’s self.
O I know the way you can get
If you have not been drinking Love:
You might rip apart
Every sentence your friends and teachers say,
Looking for hidden clauses.
You might weigh every word on a scale
Like a dead fish.
You might pull out a ruler to measure
From every angle in your darkness
The beautiful dimensions of a heart you once
I know the way you can get
If you have not had a drink from Love’s
That is why all the Great Ones speak of
The vital need
To keep remembering God,
So you will come to know and see Him
As being so Playful
Just Wanting to help.
That is why Hafiz says:
Bring your cup near me.
For all I care about
Is quenching your thirst for freedom!
All a Sane man can ever care about
Is giving Love!”
A poem by Hafez…
God gets to know things, we just get to ask questions…