Kabir Kadre
Kabir Kadre
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What day is it?

Kabir kadre|5 months, 14 days ago

The full moon was exact about six hours ago. Six hours ago I was sleeping peacefully, perhaps the fullest most restful night of sleep so far this year.

The morning was prolonged, I started waking near 5:30 AM, but it was 7:15 before I really stirred. Caroline arrived, her usual cheerful self, though today with sad reports that much of her vegetable crop was going too early to seed and we will not be seeing our hoped-for CSA until much later in the summer.

This is the economics of farming and likely means she will need to seek additional employment, though it’s also just anymore weight in the scale driving me to find a way to pay her what she’s worth.

I admire her strong heart, and even with the unfortunate news, she was still cheerfully cracking wise and resolved with clear next steps… Tear out the existing vegetable crop as goat food and plant the next wave, now well-timed for late summer.

Kim, the home health nurse arrived like clockwork at 8 AM to change my catheter. Caroline had not seen this process before and was tickled to see the simplicity with which it might be done.

Yesterday was long and hot and I managed, just by a moment, not to overheat myself. I keep a nice little blue glass bottle of purified water and essential oil on hand as part of the condition of quadriplegia is that I don’t sweat in response to overheating. Turn the temperature up far enough and I might just broil in my skin, a light spritz of lovely smelling moisture from my “sweat bottle” works wonders.

I probably needed to use that about three times more than I did yesterday, but survived nonetheless. 🙂

Today looks to be warm again, though somewhat less so. I’m looking forward to the afternoon when Cassandra and I will jump in the car and drive up the mountain to visit the farm for the first time (first time for me, Cassandra has been once already). Caroline is giggling already this morning about putting baby rabbits in my lap and also about the fact that I’ll have to do laundry when I get home. 🙂

I don’t recall the last time I was on a farm and am very much looking forward to driving into nature and spending a few of those moments listening to the trees grow.

The consistent work that Caroline and Courtney have been doing to help relax and expand the breath in my torso has made a difference and I can feel my lungs expanding more fully now and am seeing the difference in my rest as well.

Meanwhile I’m still working through the sensations of pensive anxiety while applying myself to the work I can see to do. The direct path to financial solvency and a fully operational growth and well-being model for the team here remains shrouded in the mists of uncertainty. This leaves me on the threshold of surrender – do the work, make the prayers, wait-and-see…

Time is blending and folding in on itself. I had to think hard this morning to figure out it was Thursday. The stories of our condition collectively – whether we are through the worst of something, whether it is 5G or broken food chains, a conspiracy of the rich and powerful, or the natural ebb and flow of species population numbers, whether we are about to return to what we were, or move on to something else, or if more pain, confusion, and ambiguity remains somatic – all depends on who is doing the telling these days.

I’ve stopped paying much attention to “official” reports, opting instead to focus on what I can do here, now, today in service of the future I can envision so clearly, where everyone has enough to eat, war is a thing of the past, the human species has adopted an attitude of stewardship for life on this planet, curiosity, and compassionate possibilities for expansion and exploration into the depths of our hearts and minds as well as the further reaches of space and time.

Lots to do today, and breakfast smells delicious already…

Sending love and prayers to beings everywhere. 🙏🏼


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