What can I give the world?
Busy morning, I’ve just completed uploading and sharing our first and VERY early prototype of the MettaCare podcast. Between that and breakfast outside just as the morning air was giving way to the intense heat of the day, Wednesday is off to a rolling start!
I slept long and soundly last night again, and rest seems to have reentered the picture in consistent and meaningful terms. I woke pleasantly, just after 6 AM and was able to start the day in reflection and meditation on the ancient teachings of emptiness.
The days feel pensive to me lately, some combination of acute concern for finances running thin and finding the path of offering something of real value. Of course that is just the attention on the seed and its yearning to sprout from the soil to share its buds with the world. The days feel pensive to me lately in terms of that world as well. Of acute concern for me is connecting with others to share inspiration, collaboration, and curiosity around the potentials of our collective becoming, while honoring the bizarre tragedy of the seemingly religious fervor of “number go up” ideology strangling the real life the world.
It’s hot out today. Very hot. Desert hot. I can’t see the ocean from here, it’s just out of sight, but the breeze jingling the wind chimes I know is the tension between that cool moist air of the coast, and the hot, dry, desert air. Our little home here rests almost perfectly on the threshold between those two climates…
I haven’t looked into why, but the air-quality is poor as well. “Traffic back on the road.” Said Courtney this morning, throat dry and scratchy from her drive in.
Something was on fire and burning in El Cajon yesterday when Caroline made her way in for the evening, and the sunset made its way around dark and beautiful layers, I took it for clouds at the time, though now I wonder… Clouds of what?
Dinner last night was in the later hours of the light, but outdoors in the warm evening air. Caroline and I have such a sweet counterpoint to our dispositions which seems always to make for bright and energetic conversations that can take each of us along the edges of our comfort in various ways. Sitting here this morning I remember her face smiling and laughing in the fading light as we finished dinner and just enjoyed one another and the birds and the air and the garden.
Yesterday was a busy day filled with phone calls and conferences and some good work advancing the community of care aspect of our MettaCare initiative. We are all now looking forward to a team meeting next Saturday, an event that never fails to enrich, and yet somehow seems hard to keep on the calendar, with luck that’s changing….
Over dinner, I asked Caroline, “would you listen to this short recording of a part of mine and David’s conversation from the other day to see if you think it might be worth sharing with others?”
In reply, she said flatly – “the world needs us all to give what we have right now. Don’t wait for approval, if you have the offering, make it.”
I laughed! It’s nice, and a little bit rare, when someone can bring me right up to the threshold of action, point to the ground at my toes, and give me just that little push forward over the center of gravity, compelling the next steps to arise. I promptly texted David about our conversation the other day – “do you mind if I share it publicly?”
When I woke today, his reply was in the inbox. Short, sweet, “Permission granted… ;-)”
To recontextualize the recording for myself, Courtney and I listened to it this morning during the rising process. Just as we were getting ready to leave the bedroom, I announced that I would be postponing my journal writing to get the recording online. Courtney replied, “be sure to record an introduction before you post it.”
Courtney has been encouraging the vision of a MettaCare podcast and in her bright eyes, this was plainly that. My intention had been simply to upload the recording as is and share it with a few close collaborators, and I resisted at first. Creating an introduction meant I need to think about “audience” in broader terms, it meant I needed to vocalize more of the “why” I was sharing it, more than that it meant some steps of minor audio engineering to paste together some various bits more than simply the audio clip I have laying around.
Blah blah blah! So much noise, but what does it signify?
In the end, I surrendered with a smile, laughing with gratitude for yet another push from a close collaborator to help make sure that it could be the world, and not I to decide what it wants from me.
God gets to know things, we just get to ask questions…