Kabir Kadre
Kabir Kadre
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Waxing moon

Kabir Kadre|1 month, 24 days ago

In the waning days of November, the waxing moon has stepped into play its trickster games.

In the past it has been, not always, but not infrequent, that the full moon seems to play on keeping me up through the night. We are still a few days out from the formal event, but last evening the light coming into my room throughout the night seemed “may as well have been…”

The wash of hours between 10 PM and 7 AM is a blur of dreamscape, dry mouth (thanks to the Santa Anna’s rolling through), delirious insomnia, and fits of meditation. Not even the familiar pattern of wake through the night, slumber in the morning, would save me and 7 AM was little different from 11 PM.

As a result, now well after dark into the evening, my cognition feels a bit surreal, almost like a Tim Burton movie muted under soft hemp burlap.

Blur begets blur and the day is something of a mystery looking back.

Nova stirred and made her way out shortly after six for a morning workout, and Cassandra came in near seven; all just sounds echoing gently down the hall. Recognizing my fate and dry dry mouth I surrendered to the morning and rose, seeking coconut water as a first order of business.

Cassandra appeared with a smile, coconut water for me, and tea for she, clinking the glasses together in toast as she came through the door.

She wanted mantra, or rather chanting, on the soundscape so I pulled up a likely playlist and we started our dance. I remember years ago wanting my telephone to be waterproof so that I could take music with me into the shower. Now that the phone has been waterproof for a few years, the interest has never struck me.

Today, by serendipity, into the shower it went. The obvious was next, bathroom acoustics, morning light, warm water… A good way to start the day.

Nova came back from working out and popped in to meet Cassandra, I have of course been fanning the flames of admiration in each of them for one another well before their introduction and there was something a bit indescribable about the way their eyes met and they just quietly beamed at one another, mumbling cheerfully their delight and anticipation.

Once up, Cassandra got going on a smoothie for breakfast, and I began tending the first order of business of the day – to finalize any outstanding details of the auto sale. Of course it’s 2020 so there was a digital account for the car, passwords to change, factory reset of the onboard computer to be facilitated for the buyer, as well as the traditional insurance to cancel. All that remains is to determine if and how I might get some refund on the annual registration fees paid just two months ago.

“Do you want some of this Laird’s mushroom powder in the smoothie?” She asked.

“Yes, thank you, that sounds good.”

Traditionally it’s a nondairy creamer so I wasn’t much surprised when she said she thought it gave the smoothie a kind of coffee flavor.

We adjourned to the morning sunshine out front, each stopping fully in the moment on arrival to gaze our faces into the dawn light, eyes closed and warmth spreading throughout the body and soul. I don’t remember what we spoke of, only just that it was pleasant sitting there in the morning glow drinking smoothie.

It really did have a coffee flavor to it, I thought. And then I remembered… Oh yes, that jar isn’t mushroom powder anymore. 🙂

It’s mostly powdered coffee mixed with the remains of the last order of mushroom powder. Delicious smoothie though, and probably well-timed for today.

Getting back to work clearing the daily to do list, Saturday simples really, reviewing photos from the week, some basic correspondence, etc. One such task is to check in on the songs of Milarepa to pick out a new one to discover. Today’s selection, apropos… “Adverse Conditions are our Spiritual Teacher.” My guess is it rolls a bit more poetically off the tongue in the native Tibetan language in which it arose. Nonetheless the sentiment was profound given the current context of so much adversity.

David had come in to spend the morning with us. I offered to serenade he and Cassandra with the song. I’ve never heard it sung, so have no idea of the melody, but I give it my best singsong poetic effort, finding the discovery of the piece in this fashion to be heartwarming in the first person.

David and I were talking bitcoin, in and out as we variously worked on alternate things. I asked if he would pack a sacred object for me which she obliged a little later. This kicked off a flurry of energy, he had to move the couch for the task, which revealed under and behind the couch storage which I had forgotten for the past year or more.

We moved to those things to the garage, now vacant of the vehicle and proceeded up into the attic there to bring down all of the personal bits in preparation for clearing the home for sale.

As I sat in the sun updating passwords and moving content from my old phone to the new, David and Cassandra shuffled up and down the ladder emerging piles into the garage below.

Oh yes, the morning news today… An old canine friend breathed her last today. A young boy who had known her all his life choosing silence on the matter, turning inward, reflecting on sadness. I just holding space for these movements today.

Elisa called, I had rousted her out a bit earlier, considering some of the items in the garage might find their way to hers a bit temporarily in the move, as well as a few items being donated to her work. I was back inside now, just preparing to enjoy a little breakfast burrito for lunch. She was at the office, it was cold there, she was waiting for her canine companion to be clean and the call to come and get.

Having finished her work I was encouraging her to get out of the ice box and back into the warm world. It was lighthearted of course.

We chatted for a while and then… Blur, blur, blur…

David and she left, few armloads of things in tow. Nova and I, the afternoon and evening crew, settled in just touching base. The unfolding challenges in her life include lawyers and distance from family, tender subjects both of the heart and of the world. I touched him, as I would numerous times today on my own on the inquiry of my list…

Apartment housing… Pending communication from leasing company… Automobile… Mostly a wrap, waiting for the vehicle to be registered in Arizona… Caregiving… Still coming to grips with the emotional and pragmatic impact of needing to find a few dollars more to move that needle on the indicator at this point.

We played with the new lidar sensor on my phone, creating a three dimensional map of the sunroom. Quite a remarkable technology to have in one’s pocket. Definitely new, but perhaps quite useful in determining which furniture will make the move.

Next Nova took my phone around the house for the quarterly home “recovery” photos. A little exercise I picked up somewhere along the way – just photographing each space in the house from the four corners. Good for home insurance purposes, but I think far more interesting for longitudinal archivist narration over time.

I turned back to my STAGES professional community, corresponding a bit in the forum there, turning to attend to an outstanding protocol I’ll be completing in the next day or so.

Spent a little time catching up on my crypto currency news and technology reading, spent a few minutes on the video with mom helping her to procrastinate some bill paying, and a few more minutes on the video with Kari who’s been trying to break through just to send love for a few days now.

And then Journal, and now winding down… The waxing moon must just be cresting the hill top now…


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