Kabir Kadre
Kabir Kadre

Tuesday evening, recording the moment.

|5 months, 6 days ago

Warm light, luminous and glowing fills this little corner I occupy, shadows and shades provide a natural texture, soft like the echoes in my mind.

Decorative elements, the small crystal ball from Brazil, a little golden lotus tea light holder from Thailand, a tiny Buddha from Sri Lanka, interspersed with more utilitarian objects, microphone, magnifying glass, water glass, keyboard, bring the maple colored desktop to life, hints of activity.

Contrast this to the dim blue sky, cool streetlamps, and glasswalled condominiums high in the distance, and my little perch feels nestled in the wide world.

A music playlist of novelty, songs never heard before, or not in a long time, or liked but not played enough, rolls through the soundscape.

My body is tight, not emotionally, or psychologically, just in the physicality of things. It could be the mysterious forces of weather, or perhaps more likely the slight injury to the stoma, maybe mildly irritated by the change of catheter this morning, it could be the antibiotic taken prophylactically in conjunction with the procedure.

Or anything else…

There is a mix of tingling in my feet, a sense of dampness at the abdomen, and a general tingle of physical anxiety throughout. I will move shortly to the evening wind down routine which includes, among other bits, a small space heater which tends to counter these discomforting elements of the nervous body.

I’m nursing a sense of satisfaction having managed to advance two creative projects today.

The first a likely lengthy series of essays exploring the place and value of “Web 3” in the ongoing Human Project, today’s installment – Problems with the State of Things – was particularly challenging to approach, given the complexity, but also rests right in the sweet spot of my sense of inquiry.

The latter creative burst came in putting the final edits on the alpha test of an exploration into developing a podcast.

It’s the last week of January and time to draw again on the investment capital towards care payroll and other ongoing expenses. The markets are down, leaving me resting in the tension between selling the bottom and hoping for reprieve, we’ll see.

Glancing back over the calendar, it’s been a busy time. My health has been generally good, although the last week or so has seen my body going through a series of discomforts from hidden and/or minor malfunctions.

I did manage to get out for a walk over the weekend – something I’ve not done for a while. I and the new care partner, V2, found our way around the neighborhood for a little investigation of eucalyptus trees and canyon views before settling at the local eatery for tacos in the sun.

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God gets to know things, we just get to ask questions…