Kabir Kadre
Kabir Kadre

Tired eyes

Kabir Kadre|1 year, 9 months ago

Today was another autonomic dysreflexia marathon and as the sun drops towards the hazy marine layer, I’m dragging myself to this page and these words. It probably helps the long-haul feeling that I’m coming out of two solid hours of trying to make sense of crypto currency tax accounting, a rats nest of three years of bad accounting and the firm paid to do it now a ghost and a memory.

I’m just trying to figure out which pieces to pickup and how to move them forward. Sometime in the next four days. 😉

Vanessa joined us for morning meditation today, covering for Cassandra to support me in the a.m. routine.

We made quick work of getting up and she prepared omelettes while I tidied morning email in preparation for a three hour zoom conference with some developmental course mates of mine from a transformational program we shared for 18 months starting 14 years ago.

The intensity of the program reflects in the faces of care and connection that nine of us shared today covering in our discussion the range from meeting the two-year-old daughter of one to the fingers and tears in the dirt and the ashes of organ fires, to the timeless human scope of our (r)evolving world.

I maintained my disposition for the duration of our time together, though the discomfort was already surfacing not long after arising from bed. By the time we finished, I was thirsty, hungry, and feeling as though I had just emerged from an altered state.

I made my way through the kitchen, glass of water, out into the sunshine and air. Vanessa followed shortly after with sandwiches. Having eaten I made my way back to the desk thinking of the taxes to be done. Moments later I knew the truth of my situation.

Retiring to bed feel my body sinking horizontal like a bag of sand. I split my attention between earthen settling and visions of what is to be done as evoked in the dialogue hosted by beloved Katie.

The sun has gone, the light begins to fade, as do I.

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God gets to know things, we just get to ask questions…