Kabir Kadre
Kabir Kadre

Thump in the darkness

Kabir Kadre|1 year, 8 months ago

The sun set a deep orange tonight, a dull brick haze extending across the horizon. Like looking from inside the jewelry box just as the lid drops shut.

So long ago this morning, some disorientation. Patience had mentioned on Friday an appointment to drop off her car for service this morning, I had forgotten. Having heard her movements in the house earlier I was puzzled to find her not shuffling in the room, meditation pillows and blankets in arm.

I find it least comfortable, but probably quite good for the practice to attempt meditation with acutely distracted mind. So much manufactured to be done creates a stark contrast to see when the mind returns to a disciplined and still focus.

The day has been busy, feeling apace, not monotonous or chaotic, yet with a rhythm somehow concealed beneath the veils of things, as if I traveled across theater stage oceans, really just gossamer fabrics waving along the floor. Liminal yet ground.

One more interview to go and I’ll have caught up to the hard work of Katie’s pivot from film to podcast. Patience and I started that episode this morning. Chipping away at my thinking has been this series of dialogues she’s shared.

It’s as if my own thinking is mirroring those gossamer threads. Where looking at the human arc of history has taken on the visage of linear spirals, perhaps fractal in their edging, but many are nonetheless, there now seems to be something more weaving at play, a tapestry of evolutionary threads, some bold like rope, and others faint like spiders thread, magic from the spirit realms.

Every time I look it’s as if this place gets more and more beautiful.

The saga of LB’s epic journey bears on. Today we had calls with two separate avenues of counseling and support. Rather, he had two calls, I was conferenced in for the end of the first for just a few minutes to play support. Hopefully this week will go well for him and he will find a new ground from which we can continue to work.

Ira has landed back on the shores of Michigan, taking a moment of quarantine to settle in, trusting he’s done what he could on the ground of Montana where our dad and tender stepmom Linda remain, with friends, to find their way down the path of this chapter of our lives together.

Gossamer threads are weaving their way together here. Phone calls with Dave, David, Greg, my brother, and Ahlea each representing an uncommon occurrence on its own, all met through the fabric of my being today. The uncertain wind of the past week realized it’s scent through my bones today as the vision work of mind mapping what is present and what is next for me began to land on the page.

This was a task I had imagined stepping into a week ago, though the task has matured significantly since then, I could see nothing from there of the clarity that has begun to reveal itself today.

The car is going up for sale. Patience has generously agreed to take that task from my plate and help to usher it along.

The Good Place came to an end today. Four seasons et one mouthful at a time and the series finale enjoyed during family time tonight was like the perfect dessert to a feast of a meal a few years in the dining.

My body has been spastic today, to the point of distraction on occasion. Acute twinges of dysreflexia dancing through on occasion as well. Our podcast interviewee this morning, responding to a question about “these troubled times” reminded us lovingly, “to which ones are you referring?”

The Native American genocide? The Jewish? The Tibetan? The sixth mass extinction? World War II? The rising tides?

When I stop for a moment to breathe and gaze out the window, listening for what might else wish to land on this page, the world feels like an ocean to me; filled with tides and currents and critters of every shape and size imaginable, darkness and light and a view that never quite stays the same…

Inhale, exhale… I think to myself. It is the view of the view you want.

Patience just came in from the porch where she had been enjoying the evening air and darkness, I believe on a phone call. Something apparently had scampered, or as she put it, “rolled” down the hill of the side yard and landed with a thump on the deck.

Alarmed and with nervous smile and laugh she has decided to retreat and give that territory wholly to the darkness of the evening.

It’s nearly 9 PM. Dinner is very late tonight. That’s on me.

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God gets to know things, we just get to ask questions…