Kabir Kadre
Kabir Kadre
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The week begins…

Kabir Kadre|8 months, 15 days ago

My brain feels like it’s liquefied and about to run out my ears. My first response when contemplating turning to today’s entry was a feeling of being daunted.

I’m literally just minutes out of a 2 1/2 hour intensive writing exercise in efforts to distill the stratospheric insights of a small cohort of truly remarkable wisdom keepers and intelligence builders into a single threaded narrative. The effort was ecstatic and thrilling (the coffee may have had something to do with it ;-), like sailing down through fresh powdered snow on a sunny February afternoon.

I was making my way methodically through answering the 8 elements I mentioned in the previous post titled “Suspicious Elation” feeling as though I was quite invincible and would certainly finish the document today. I can’t say how excited I am to return the effort to those remarkable contributors to see what iteration arrives next. I feel confident that I made it through the first six elements, however just minutes ago I found myself a little drunk and reeling, realizing that if I pushed on, I was likely to lose the narrative thread and risk tumbling into philosophic silliness with no direction.

It was with that sense of fulfilled exhaustion that I turned, pirouette, and tumbled onto my back onto the shore of that experience. I plan to return on Wednesday to the effort, but sit here, satisfied and grateful. At a certain point I’ll be seeking to craft a one pager, executive summary, of the effort, but today – seven pages in and anticipating a small handful more, I’m happy to just feel as though I’ve nearly got the thing said in the first place.

What a Monday. I still haven’t decided if I slept last night. I do know that I woke less than three hours after my initial turning in, and that it felt as though I really didn’t sleep after that. I did however have some clear memories that could only have come from dreams so in that sense, I’m also confident that I was in some way not awake all night either.

Morning arrived and I knew distinctly at the sound of my alarm that I did need to stir as today we were hosting the necessary arrival of the Medicare funded home health nurse to observe Greg undergoing the periodic process of my suprapubic catheter change. It’s definitely a skilled procedure, and at the same time quite common, however there is nuance in the fact that Greg has been performing this particular process with me almost exclusively (he has been the exclusive performer) (almost) for the last 7+ years.

His discipline with this practice and our teamwork in maintaining and timing it have resulted in exquisite stoma health and in recent years continually improving bladder health. My current situation of care continuity ambiguity places this at some perceived risk. The home health nurse may end up being the bridge between Greg’s care for this aspect of my well-being, and whatever situation happens to be next, either continued home care by the next wave of our MettaCare exploration, or something else within a Board & Care or nursing home facility.

So that was important to me and seemed to go reasonably well, if a bit clinical, as I’m not entirely sure the nurse was able to slow down enough to really perceive the value of getting a nuanced transmission of a procedure which she seems to be quite confident she knows well already.

After that brief visit, Greg and I carried on our usual morning conversation about the state of American politics, personal spirituality, and the general mundane processes of life as we made our way to me up and at the desk by 9:30 AM.

As I said, what a Monday. Starting off with formal engagements and rolling into a long and productive workday covering three of my distinct threads of “professional” creative effort.

After the mornings general organization of email, calendar, to do list and wrapping up the morning news digest, I turned my attention to finalizing the details of my latest consulting contract, officially underway as of yesterday. This included among various correspondence, also finalizing my initial efforts at a consistent project tracking and invoicing process done on the cheap.

I’ve explored the subject of “reciprocity” in previous posts in this journal, and this endeavor of organizing the formal aspects of professional engagement speak directly to the nascent skills under development for me right now in building the robustness of that particular and presently critical muscle.

Taking a step a bit deeper into the pond of my own experience, after lunch I spent some time on my other formal consulting engagement as project beauty/process/accessibility co-steward for an online health e-learning program I’ve been honored to be a part of. That project has slightly less mundane, and more familiar aspects to it and has for me the feel of something a little more warm and fuzzy in its creative context.

I can feel my mind going silent. After so many words written today, I think I’m nearly out.

The timing is good though, after the e-learning effort, I was ready to begin the endeavor referenced at the beginning of this journal entry, which brings me back to here. I feel now, 900 words later slightly less daunted, but finished nonetheless.

Thank you Charles for your persistent presence and loving encouragement. Wellness and well-being for all, Ah-Ho!


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