Kabir Kadre
Kabir Kadre
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The Wave/Particle of Response and React…

|5 months, 16 days ago

It’s been a quiet Sunday (he says out loud to the transcription software, while Led Zeppelin booms in the background.) The mundane start of the usual Sunday – weekly review of projects and tasks, email inboxes, and calendar – followed by a little reading and then clearing the “Correspondence” inbox where the informal and more personal messages wait patiently through the busyness of the week.

Next a little organizing of the residual financial matters remaining from my rise and fall as a crypto/financial genius. To be fair, I certainly think I got the education I paid for there in terms of now having a much more sophisticated appreciation of the diverse aspects of capital assessment, risk, investment, and negotiation.

Then back to the continued development of a possible project around our ongoing MettaCare initiative. (You can see a mention of this initiative in my vision 2020 video: https://vimeo.com/382245689). Having gotten some really excellent and supportive feedback on the initial draft, today I was digging into the brain crunching of “budget development.” One step at a time they say, I feel like I took a step today. 🙂

This however brings me to something I wanted to write here in response to your (Charles 😉 recent note that I had said less lately of my “External Situation.”

Alexis asked me the other day what I might like to talk about if I were presenting to a large group. A number of ideas have come up around that, and some good suggestions as well.

Talking this morning with Greg as he was helping me to rise triggered something on that point. We were talking about the terrible state of the United States governmental systems and processes. (I really can’t imagine anyone living inside the United States and concerning them selves in the slightest with matters of our collective social process doesn’t feel a palpable frustration with the absurdity of the current situation.) In any case, it struck me – the state of these affairs has so many people I know in a state of reactivity, understandably so – is truly exasperating.

I find that in these conversations I’m continually returning to advocating for a disposition of response. Given the XYZ of this absurd condition or that, “how can I orient myself, or we ourselves, in a moment – in the real moment of now, and what we plan to do in the next – towards a disposition where I am capable of response in the creative sense?” Who am I in that moment? What is important to me? How can my actions right now, and my practical decisions right now contribute to a response I feel good about?

This quality of response has fundamentally to do with, not only actions and behaviors in the moment, but also a sense of my own conception of identity. What do I choose, or imagine is the purpose of my life, and how do I orient myself creatively to continue to meet that in the face of any obstacle?

It came to me in that moment, that something I really like to talk about with people, and would be excited to engage with groups around is that question of, how do we ground ourselves in the face of adversity, and respond creatively. This feels important because of how easy it is to meet with adversity or frustration, and react as though it were some previous moment or experience. These two aspects I think ride the threshold between what some call our “animal nature” and our “divine nature.”

There is something about this frame for me feels ripe and ready an incredibly salient to this moment in our evolution as a species (or perhaps more.)

I know, dear Charles, that when you asked about my “external situation” this is not what you mean. Of course it is, and it isn’t.

For those who may just be tuning in, my current “external situation” has to do with a remarkable confluence of life conditions. I made mention above of my “financial education,” but that was just the active phase following on from a long period of being the beneficiary (or receiving) of that education. (I’m very interested in a particular pattern that I refer to as RARI, which I may revisit further in this post but if not you can see a little bit of my early thoughts here in the library: https://www.kabirkadre.com/library/). In any case, in a financial sense I am now needing to move my educational process from “Active,” to a more collective “Reciprocal” engagement.

That one aspect of my life conditions in the “external” has brought to a head concerns for continued continuity of physical care (remember my quadriplegia 😉 as well as infrastructure, and work.

So yes Charles, waxing along about “the state of the world” and whether or not we are all just reacting from our animal nature or aspiring to respond in our divine grace doesn’t exactly speak to your more personal, sincere, and loving inquiry around whether I will be sharing those aspects of my life here in this context of a daily personal journal. That too is of course what you have always encouraged me to write, about my own experience.

So without further ado, let me tell you dear friend a little about my “external situation” of late. Having taken, and retaken stock of my “Practical Concerns” after my release from the hospital in December, I am reasonably well organized, with no small thanks to Charles and Dave among others. Questions of Medicare, Medi-Cal, special needs trusts, matters of housing, transportation, direct care and other immediate health concerns, are now fairly well in process.

There are many phone calls left to be made, much left to learn, institutions and authorities activated and from whom I’m waiting to hear, there are appointments to be made, tours to have, and decisions to be made (at the last responsible moment. 😉 All of this we might consider as the “Reaction” process necessary for a responsible “Response.” When I started this piece, I titled it “Response over React,” I’m wondering now if the wiser reflection might be to consider them in terms of light.

As you know, light is remarkably viewed as a particle, and/or, a wave. In these terms, I’m hip to consider Reaction, as a particle quality of the evolutionary process. It has reasonably well-defined boundaries, and discrete clarity. Tiger leaps – dock, roll, run. Well-defined, bounded, discrete. Not the kind of thing you want to consider with too much creative reflection. In this light, perhaps Response is more like a wave – softer in boundary, more continuous in its expression, something with the quality of ebb and flow.

So yes, in response to my discrete “external situation,” of running out of the financial capital that has sustained us (by whom I mean myself, and those around me who have been a part of that aspect of the journey), there have been many practical matters to attend in the immediacy of the moment. At the same time, there has been the Response aspect which for me has meant the maintenance of an equilibrium or equanimity in my disposition. As Douglas Adams would put it, “Don’t Panic.”

Besides the simple practicalities of organizing applications, researching information about programs and processes, calling for the necessary professional supports, there is also the matter of considering just what the situation might be well suited to act as a launchpad for.

Having organized the “Practical Concerns” sufficiently, much of the last five days has had to do with the more reflective and creative side of the dynamic. In particular, in recent posts I’ve made mention of meetings and conversations with a variety of partners and other loved ones. That has been very much “the stuff” of my external situation. It has and continues to have quite an impact on me.

I’m really just stopped in my tracks to witness the way that my creative intent expressed in the 2020 vision referenced above, has been met by a reflection from my community, in the most practical of terms. Really in the last five days, no fewer than nine people have come forward with incredible ease and grace to collaborate in the energy of this creative response.

These engagements have been less about a sense of damage control or reacting to a crisis, and have carried with them the signature high-frequency of a loving curiosity that seeks to discover what beauty is growing here in this dark corner of a moment. In the wake of this energy – and make no mistake threatens to continue with individuals who have called me forward to connect in the coming five days – I find myself so moved and so inspired to create a future with and for these loving individuals, yourself included of course dear Charles.

With Monday (a government holiday) and Tuesday, I will be moving forward those various clerical bits of the practical concerns, but the bulk of my activity this week will be focused on developing these creative response aspects that make up the possibility of my “dream job” life. Expressing that, and inquiring deeply begins to touch on the Reciprocity which I think is the next phase of my (not just financial) economic education.

Really this is my living laboratory, currently exploring the question – what does it look like in practical terms, in the immediacy of our own unique life circumstances and external situation to respond to the evolutionary tensions and “crises” that are before us. What balance of inner discipline and equanimity makes us vulnerable to good fortune, and allows us to find the sense of self that is really worth living and dying for at the end of the day?


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God gets to know things, we just get to ask questions…