Kabir Kadre
Kabir Kadre
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The source of happiness…

Kabir kadre|6 months, 13 days ago

Today was rough, most of which felt like a salvage effort.

Sleep was disturbed again last night, though not as bad as recently and I did manage “just enough” shuteye to rise feeling not quite behind the curve.

First order of business on leaving my room was to get outside for a little sunshine. Just a little. The morning had brought a window in the clouds and I managed to catch the tail end of sun rays for the 10 minutes it took the clouds to gradually block their warmth. A few deep breaths of fresh air and gazing around to drink in the beauty of green and flowers and I made my retreat back indoors away from the cool.

The morning started out innocently enough, just the usual clearing of the inbox, checking of the stats, and general organization. I was able to respond a few requests for small effort on my part to move projects forward and to thank this morning’s new contributor to the campaign.

I had yet to notice the cumulative pattern forming…

The next order of business was to get on the phone with an old friend to advance some work he’s been doing in my favor. Having history as we do there’s always more to talk about than just business and the themes of the day certainly leave little wanting for topics of discussion.

Unfortunately somewhere in there the topic wandered to politics and quickly fell off a cliff. We were on the phone for an hour and then some, the better part of it disharmonious and seemingly trapped in contention. The work we had intended to advance quickly fell to the wayside, something I had hoped would be a quick fix became collateral damage. I spent the better part of the final 10 minutes in silence, just listening until by the grace of God the “conversation” came to a rest and we could let it go.

I turned my attention to the sole piece of paper on my desk from the morning’s tickler file, a bill that looked suspiciously as they were from a collections agency. As I had anticipated, this would be more than a simple phone call.

The next 2 1/4 hours, thankfully with a 30 minute break for lunch, would be spent calling in circles between the entity which did turn out to be a collections agency, the hospital, and the billing department for emergency room doctors (separate from the hospital) in efforts to track down the true source of the bill and the reason for its having been sent to collections.

The bill did turn out to be valid, having had to do with the emergency room admittance in early December for the pneumothorax, but the collections issue had to do with the bill being sent to an address I haven’t lived at for four years, as well as the billing department having an incorrect birthday assigned my file. In the end, it was an angel at the hospital that seemed to know intuitively how to cut through the confusion and unravel the mystery. Literally within three minutes of getting her on the phone, she had found the opening in the cosmos and the energy flowed fluently from there, through the ER billing service, and out to the collections agency – resolving the debt in the middle step in reversing any collections and credit issues in the end.

17 minutes after reaching the angel I was hanging up the phone and filing the paperwork. Still… I was starting to get the scent of the day.

By this time I had planned to have been deep in focused creative work. I was reevaluating those plans.

Listening this morning to an interview with Paul Chek, Paul had pointed out the four doctors that were critical to have in a healthy life. They are, Dr. Happiness, Dr. Movement, Dr. Diet, & Dr. Sleep. Dr. Sleep and I are struggling a little lately, Dr. Movement is in a holding pattern on maintenance, and Dr. Diet is seeing a bit of a renaissance these days.

Dr. Happiness and I on the other hand have a fairly constant and healthy relationship. Paul had mentioned however the importance of focusing specifically on entirely selfish (my word) aspects of this relationship. Seeing the impact the morning was having already, I decided to spend the next 30 minutes in a little art therapy to just step back a bit from the intensity of the day.

Cassandra had generously taken and shared a few photos of the sunset yesterday with me and I decided to play around with my image editing self education for a while…

April sunset

Dr. Happiness smiled approvingly and I returned to survey what might be done with the remainder of the workday.

James from the termite inspection and remediation company was in the neighborhood and wanted to stop by to iron out any last questions I might have about the impending treatment, there was a break in the rain so I asked Britni to leave the kitchen door to the garage open on her way out. This would allow me to use my remote control to open the large garage door on my own in the window where I would be here by myself and I was able to make my way outside to meet James on his arrival.

In keeping with the tone of the day, the rain dripped a little on me while we were assessing the situation and determining that, for the most part, the treatment could go ahead in full without doing too much damage to the exterior of the property. The concern had been the need to drill through the decorative masonry work, and another few potential obstacles to an optimal treatment.

Compromises were made, but overall we managed to find the path and James agreed to come back on the morning of the treatment to help direct the workers in the details. I was retreating inside just as Courtney arrived for her final evening of training and had retained enough warmth to avoid a chill.

Realizing that no concentrated effort was going to come from me in the realm of creative work, I turned my attention to polishing a few communication threads and moving some research work forward from tomorrow as time filler.

Even the correspondence have to do with, not contentious, but communications the required some nuance, vulnerability, and fluidity of perspective. And the research, now that I think about it – catching up on my crypto currency based weekly newsletter archives – itself was touching almost entirely on the unstable dynamics of our world systems.

All in all, I think surrender is the word of the day.

“Pray it off.” Said Britni. I looked at her quizzically.

“What are you saying?” I asked.

“Pray it off.” She said again. Smiling and asked, “Haven’t you ever heard that before?”

I shook my head. “Let this roll off me.” She said, eyes gazing upward, to demonstrate her meaning.

“I got it.” I said smiling. “Pray it off.”

The light is fading on another rainy evening. No rays of sunshine penetrate the clouds as the day wanes away.

The world is in a very hard place as we approach this Easter Sunday. The sicknesses of our system are boiling to the surface, revealed by this pandemic, and yet to be quite appreciated by most of us I think. We are in for many perturbations of our lives and the ability to stay calm in the midst of this will become increasingly valuable for each of us.

We are in this together, each one of us intertwined, remember to get good rest, eat healthy foods, exercise regularly, and don’t forget to care for that calm center from which your true happiness can emanate. Doctors orders.

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God gets to know things, we just get to ask questions…