Kabir Kadre
Kabir Kadre
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The mixed bag continues…

Kabir kadre|6 months, 5 days ago

“Are you kidding me!” I thought to myself, waking at 1 AM. Even after taking 150% of the recommended dosage of the GABA sleep support supplement, here I was again.

The wakefulness was relentless. At 2:30 AM, I canceled my 8 AM appointment. Somewhere near 4 AM I think I managed to drift off again, sleeping lightly until Britni’s quiet arrival stirred me at 7 AM.

Six hours rest, not so bad.

Then the wound care. Having yesterday discovered a worsening skin breakdown condition, it seems our efforts to turn it around are showing some signs of quick success. To be proactively cautious I spent the next hour lying on my side in bed which is really the only way to completely relieve the pressure on the area and maximize recovery potential.

And with that the week was off to a tenuous if slightly optimistic start.

Considering the day now from early evening under grey skies, my body is continuing the pattern of autonomic dysreflexia discomfort that it seems to have been locked in for the past four or five hours. In this state, my cognitive capacities are rather diminished and my attention flips around a bit like a fish out of water. It is from this state that I craft these words.

The patterns of work today were not those anticipated by my careful crafting of the schedule (the best laid plans of mice and men, they say). Instead I managed to secure a few basic elements of household management, nothing sophisticated just some minor accounting and bureaucratic work first thing in the morning at my 10 AM start hour.

Next I wrote a letter to a subset of the Apple executive team. The voice software which I’m using to write this blog post and on which I’ve been relying for my computer interface for the last baker’s dozen years has been depreciated by the company that has been producing it and is no longer supported. Meanwhile the latest Apple operating system has introduced a feature to take its place, but it’s not quite ready for prime time as far as I can tell.

The software on which I rely actually stopped being upgrade compatible a few operating system iterations ago and as I cling to the old OS to provide that functionality, other parts of the system begin to fail as the technologies march on.

I’m caught in limbo, system function decaying around me, and the way forward leading also to diminished capacities. All of this is the absurd poetry of a market system that favors the profitable over the practical consuming its gains to produce its novelty.

I’ve probably been on five or six technical support phone calls related to these matters over the last two or three years, each of them taking between 30 minutes and 60 hours to resolve. After spending another hour on Saturday where I actually ended up being more help to the problem than the level II technician to whom I was speaking, I decided a more executive approach was warranted.

What I thought might be a 30 minute exercise ended up in an hour and 1/2 today of crafting a letter, searching for email addresses, and finally deciding to mail hardcopies to Apple headquarters. More time commitment than I had planned, but at least now I have done what I could.

Coming off of that I decided to reward myself by focusing on completing the edit of the recent dialogue I was privileged to share with a handful of wise friends on the subject of considering our journey through this pandemic passageway that we as humanity find ourselves currently in. Cutting a few of the extraneous minutes in the free video editing software, I added fadeout, title section, video note and credits and a few other YouTube tweaks and hit “Publish.”

By this time, about 5:30 PM, my body state was in general rebellion. Could be pain from the tender areas on my backside, or maybe something to do with the stormy weather which often seems to precipitate this kind of discomfort, maybe something in the digestion or the cup of coffee I enjoyed with coconut cream and ghee this afternoon. Maybe all of them.

Regardless, the hour that elapsed between then and finally deciding to turn to the evening discipline of reflective writing was generally lost to any clear focus or recollection. I’m pretty sure I scanned a couple of social media channels multiple times, may have sent a text message or two, but I can be fairly confident nothing very productive got done and I’ll certainly be ready for a warm shower this evening.

Oh yes, now I remember, I ordered CBD oil as I’ve heard that can help with sleeping. I stumbled into a 20% discount sale, so there’s that going for me.

Now to dinner and a few random YouTube videos before calling it a day… I’ll pray for sleep and look forward to catching up with an old friend in the morning.


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