Kabir Kadre
Kabir Kadre
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The fullness of zero…

Kabir kadre|3 months, 25 days ago

It’s been a full day today, finalization and payment of business taxes, termite inspection, massive clerical push on medical appointments & care concerns, scheduling client sessions (8 by next Friday), digging into the “Budget Zero” project (radically illuminating), my first workout in weeks, and squaring up on the critical medical support crowdfunding campaign which I hope to launch by this time next week.

All of this with rain pouring outside, a good night sleep, and perhaps even a reconsideration of my vitriol for daylight savings time…

My head is spinning a little with the amount of work opened up by digging into the Budget Zero project. It’s the first place where I’ve been able to get black-and-white about care and housing concerns synergized with a practical evaluation of potentially available resources.

The process is revealing very distinct questions about specific subjects which I think lend themselves well to identifying the appropriate advocates proficient to respond with clarity. All of this in the context of a still narrowing window of time and resource availability to address… No shortage of excitement here. 🙂

The end of the day today saw that list of questions emerging, more organized and with potentially identified parties to pursue for advice. That work is cut out for me tomorrow and seems likely to shatter a handful of the preconceived notions I’ve been dragging along with me through the past months.

Meanwhile, our new friend Victor from the termite remediation company has indicated a range of options to address our current situation – subterranean neighbors – ranging in cost from $500 through nearly $3000 depending on how excited we’d like to get on the matter. Britni has been exceptionally helpful in the process and I think by now has us scheduled for a second opinion on Thursday.

Victor came through on the tail end of my workout with Andrew. The first real exercise I’ve had in five weeks left me short of breath and lightheaded, reeling a bit midway. I’m about 6% lighter weight this year than last, and I think I would’ve done well to of had a bit of a snack before our engagement. Nonetheless, Andrew was very helpful and we made due with a move from the incline sliding bench to the bed as nice flat surface with a little cheese, fig and olive along the way to punch up the blood sugar.

Andrew is a sharp cat with no shortage of force behind his opinions. Our time together regularly balances the necessary weight-bearing and muscle tension with a sociopolitical, pop-culture, personal and aspirational banter. With coronavirus, the crashing markets, a winnowing Democratic primary field, this journey to zero, and his new fatherhood, we had no shortage of subjects to dance with today.

Speaking of short of breath, I feel a little breathless now, facing the empty space of evening time, rain clouds dark outside, the sounds of dinner mixing in the kitchen, a little Grateful Dead jam in the background, and the push of the day’s effort largely behind me.

I really think there is something to this project Zero, if I can put it together. I find, gazing in that direction, almost a sense of finally offering something to the world – not the grandiose plans, books, educational initiatives, or other materials I have dreamt and which still hold promise – but something more simple. Just me; living and working (is it arrogant to say more humbly?) Without pretense.

This idea of zero stands in contrast with all of those aspirations for success. The inspiration here instead is to move in the other direction, how much can I find to offer with less? I think I have felt conflated with outward measures (scroll down that link for the audio 😉 – income, accounts, scope of projects, recognitions of attainment, accolade of friends – for most of my life. For the first time I have a window into a view of myself, simply well-managed to live in harmony with the world as it is.

Perhaps it is nothing more than a new dream of self, but for now it is the dream that calls me forward.

From here the week tightens into a narrow stream of flowing effort. There are very practical matters to resolve to move forward with the Transformation 2020/Budget Zero efforts, things that cost will require careful conservation of asset, a point of mindful management. About 40% of the remaining work week will be spent in direct client engagement and associated preparations. As well as just recognized this morning that whether I am to persist only a few weeks, or longer under this steam, one more new hire is definitely in order. That will take some doing.

For now, the quiet of the evening, darkness, more rain, and retirement. Love to all. 🙏🏼


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