The awesome terror.
Rising into the late morning, per usual for Saturday after the late start and morning antics which is the routine for Caitlin and I, I continue to explore this strange new discipline of “writing first thing.”
Arriving to the office, I notice the bitcoin price trend as a matter of course. I hide that browser window, revealing instead the imagery of a Chenrezig thangka displayed on the desktop beneath.
This Buddha of compassion is appropriate this morning, as every moment, but this morning in its own way. I slept the longest of the soundest I’ve slept in many weeks last night. A couple of drops of melatonin and a couple of kava pills, excluding the CBD (which I took instead this morning) acted as nightcap and I drifted easily into the resting state, and did not stir again until dawn’s first light.
I rose and meditated, the morning hours already feeling as though they were slipping away. I focused instead on time’s nature as a construct of mind recognizing that any sense of need to hurry acts as an energy drain and a distraction from what is truly possible in the present, and that such attention is necessary to make the most of what may be arising as we go through our lives in real time.
I sent a text and a few moments later Caitlin came through the door, a broken heart showing through her eyes, the rest of the face concealed behind a mask. I asked ”what’s up?”
Reluctant to focus on the object of her distress, she stumbled over her words for a moment before finally surrendering to recount the morning news that due to meet packaging plant shutdowns, thousands of animals were being slaughtered en masse, their lives to be wasted, and the farmers who raised them faced not only with the loss of income, but the terror of the entire process from the killing, but no market, and disposition of the bodies…
She shared this story, and her feelings around it through sobs and tears, the weight of so much suffering landing squarely on her heart.
A sobering moment no doubt on which to start the day. The morning news for week’s end, so telling of the times.
The horrific absurdity of our situation – people without food in one place, food rotting in the fields are being destroyed or poured out in another. Such ridiculous medieval problem, while the accuracy force of our destructive powers have been refined with laser precision.
Stocks closed up the week, while job (and income) losses continue to soar. The economic signs are not good, and other larger trends point to massive global power shifts. From a certain view we have been so trapped by our fears of one another that we have sold our own lives in the illusion of defense.
Other views, however, arise in this time of transformation and while many of the patterns unfolding look bleak, much of that is largely due to the lenses through which we have been seeing the world up until this point.
There is so much suffering afoot today, few, if any, are immune to this. From the people already living in chronic and abject poverty when this crisis hit, to those newly struggling with food insecurity, and even those whose material needs are reasonably well secured who now struggled with the emotional and psychological confusion a way of life that only moments ago seemed so unwaveringly stable, we are all together in this awesome movement of time and space.
I was grateful yesterday to be a part of a community dialogue, filled with heart, friendship, and compassion, a large focus of which was the ongoing project of that group to revision and re-create what has thus far passed as a dry, clinical, and quite flat, approach to the construct of a medical record. The project is in its early stages, but there are few groups I know of with as much capacity as this.
Leaving that conversation I moved directly into my next engagement, a high-energy, peacefully aggressive, and very successful gentleman I had met late last week had agreed to meet and share his insights around building a collective movement around the stewardship of a Commons. This is something I hope to initiate with MettaCare and felt very nourished for by this conversation.
We’ll meet again on Monday to go deeper on the subject.
God gets to know things, we just get to ask questions…