Kabir Kadre
Kabir Kadre

Substitute medium…

|1 year, 4 months ago

As the darkness winds deeper into the evening I find myself not yet set up well for the podcast discipline, still in its nascence. Computer audio still has too much noise to make a worthwhile recording, and the fluency yet developed with those tools on the telephone do not rise to the occasion of the end of a long day.

With just a few moments of creative effort remaining in the day I opt to the familiar words on the page to maintain the discipline of calling forth some small offering to the world.

Showing the house is off to a successful start, eight prospective buyers through yesterday with Eugenia while Cassandra and Molly and I found ourselves overlooking the ocean (the first time I’ve been out from the house in longer than I can recall.)

Pulling out of the driveway into the bright blue sky and sunny day, Cassandra and I headed north to my favorite Ocean Overlook near Torrey Pines. I laughed at myself later realizing that everyone else had the same idea on that beautiful Saturday afternoon. No parking to be found, we made our way south along the coast, briefly through the forest and down the hill into La Jolla.

Glancing up towards Mount Soledad I remembered my friends whom I had not seen for some time, delighted I rang to say hello and we shortly found ourselves parking to go for coffee in the socially distanced courtyard of the brick fixture of old world La Jolla.

The conversation was lively, my friend is an enthusiastic critic of bitcoin, and I of course joyfully took the other side of the argument.

After drinks and a little lunch for me, we went walking, letting the conversation drift instead to broader and more intricate insights on the evolution of a healthy global economy. This is a conversation and a creative partner I look forward to building further with on this matter in the next chapter of my life now unfolding.

I want to say something, not being too obtuse, but also not treading too heavily on the sacredness of the gesture, but in the midst of our playtime together the friend surprised me with an act of such spontaneous and openhearted generosity, and of no small magnitude, that I was put quite peacefully beside myself with gratitude.

I am humbled in this moment to think of this event contextualized in a wider sense of life, like an ocean of love flowing gently through the cosmos. I know in this moment that this sense of things is precious and can be fleeting, and is often occluded from our sight, and yet when it reveals itself to us, carries a quality of ever presence.

Molly found us along our walk, coming to relieve Cassandra, she and I now out and about on the town for the first time since our meeting. Indeed it has been quite the wild ride of homebound transformation in the nine short weeks since her arrival in my life.

I’m finding lately a new sense of age. I wondered last evening if there might be something akin to a 15 year lag in perception of our own temporal evolution. Up to 15 years, those younger than us seem to us our own age, and yet increasingly the life experience across that span grows, perhaps profoundly with each passing year.

The compounding of exponential returns I wonder…

By the time we made it home yesterday I was worn and found myself returning to bed early evening for no other reason than sheer and humble exhaustion.

Today we were due to show the property to eight more prospective buyers, but I had to waive them off due to her current shortage of care and a little uptick (hopefully temporary) in discomfort. I took steps for remediation on both counts and have an optimistic outlook for what tomorrow holds.

I chuckle to know how familiar optimism is for me, particularly reflected in the eyes of those who know me well.

I spent much of the day luxuriating in correspondence, a privilege that often feels a bit removed in the busyness of life of late. My personal letters inbox which I usually like to keep to a backlog of no more than 30, was 100 more than that this morning when I woke. Even now I have not broken the Centennial threshold, but a dent was made nonetheless. I was tickled for the response from a friend whom I had replied to today now four months after his letter to me.

“That was a delayed response! Now I don’t feel so bad. :-)” He wrote.

This brought a smile to my face.

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God gets to know things, we just get to ask questions…