Kabir Kadre
Kabir Kadre

Still point…

Kabir Kadre|1 year, 6 months ago

“I’m running out of money, I’m not running out of money. I don’t have enough care, I have enough care. My housing is not secure, my housing is secure.

Somehow all of this is true.” I said to Kari just a few minutes ago, chatting for the first time in some days or weeks.

I mentioned my ancient friend Muggs in the blog yesterday and as is the custom, copied her on the outgoing notice. She came back right away, and we’ve exchanged a moment today. Sweet.

New moon and solar eclipse this morning, deep beginnings. I don’t remember having cool eclipse viewing glasses like that. Rather my recollection, from kindergarten I believe it was, had something more to do with building camera obscura from shoeboxes to watch the grand event.

I woke this morning to find another contribution to my healthcare support fundraising page. I haven’t been actively promoting it of late, but there are a handful of individuals who stepped forward early in the campaign who have continued unprompted to offer gifts of support on the regular.

I haven’t updated this campaign page since it went live. Probably would be good to make a new video more current with the times. Perhaps once the aforementioned paradoxes have come a bit more to the still point. But I digress…

In the last three weeks, a number of these regular contributions have come through again igniting an awareness in me, a sense unlike the initial whelming support which left me almost breathless with the sense of unseen love all around. This new sense is more like the feeling of being a single celled organism in a nutrient rich environment. The contributions are generous, but cumulatively remain in the low single digits in terms of a percentage of my budget, they are by no means the only nutrients I need to live, and yet…

These whispers of lovingkindness carry a disproportionate weight in terms of reminding my soul just how much love and care really is in the world and accessible to me by the enormous grace of my good fortunes.

New friend Molly came grinning through the door just as I was finishing my morning meditation today. I woke just before 5 AM, but stayed liminal for an hour or so before sitting up to practice. Some dreams lingered in the back of my mind, not quite reformed, just subtle reminders of the storied mind.

Vanessa was just moments behind and at the inspiration Molly, we gave her the lead to direct her training today. She jumped in with both hands, having figured I suppose after yesterday that this felt a right place for her to put her practice and attention for the time being.

Her enthusiasm crackled, both Vanessa and I, and I think Nova as well, felt the sparks of this energy born of the new moon. Each time I turned around today, Vanessa and Molly seemed to be having more fun than the moment before.

I was up and busy by 8:45 clearing the miscellanea and grabbing a bowl of oatmeal with tahini, coconut cream, cacao, bee pollen, and exotic Asian berries made just perfect by the ladies.

I shifted gears at that point, beginning to organize the questions that Elise and I would ask of the trust attorney in our early afternoon meeting. Elisa is like a fish to water with this kind of management, problem solving, and planning inquiry. Sometimes a bit like a fish to vodka however, having reported waking at 3 AM to consider the matter. 😉

We had a good conversation with the attorney, a bit longer I think than he expected, but generating some good Intel for us and moving things concretely forward with the trust.

I spent the afternoon organizing the broad view of finance, beginning to document the explicit need for weekly care hours, and getting employment records polished and in order to take to my uncle about forgiving that loan he so generously extended.

In sweet tenderness I also managed to weave a few additional hellos in to long-lost friends, one for her birthday, another just to share further some of the beautiful work she has been up to for the last few years with new friends not yet met.

One of the daily newsletters to my inbox, in combination with my conversation with Elisa regarding risk management and investment led me to craft a simple diagram which should be telling to review in a few years.

Nova has been fielding some generally difficult news in her current separation today, and have been meeting it like a superstar. She’s been moving through the house with determination, grocery shopping in the morning, organizing paperwork in the afternoon, meeting with her people, and all the while shining a smile and a bright heart on the care activities of the day.

Time to wind down, maybe even early bed tonight, tomorrow is the final training day with Molly which puts us on pretty good footing care wize for the time being. “Baby steps…” They say.

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God gets to know things, we just get to ask questions…