Kabir Kadre
Kabir Kadre

Spiders weave, right?

Kabir Kadre|1 year, 10 months ago

Body spasticity is the closest thing right now, closest that is beyond the stillness of the emanating mind. The intercostal muscles feel tight, and fingers tense. My legs keep jumping every now and again, not sure if it is the cold of the AC, the heat outdoors, the contrast, or something else entirely…

There is a tingling in the ball of my right foot that has been with me for a few days. The left big toe and inner ball of that foot also seem to share the sensation just now as I feel into my body, past the abdominal tightening and tension in the back.

Pink Floyd whispers the Dark Side of the Moon, overlaid with the wind chimes heard through the closed window, and the clicking of the ceiling fan circling about overhead. Some crashing sound from the garage where LB just disappeared through the kitchen door.

The day feels both short and long from here at the earliest of evening light.

Just before 7 AM, there were two giant spiders in my dream. They had been mostly passive in the dream, just hanging there off-the-wall, something like a tongue, almost paintbrushes, delicate and white, and playfulness protruding from their mouths.

They seemed innocuous. Then someone disturbed them, and they lunged towards “camera”. They didn’t get, but I could see their intention was persistence and that they would keep coming… I don’t remember being frightened or upset in the dream, only aware. I admired those beautiful creatures, each about twice the size of my hand, and respected their intent and intensity.

Big spiders coming at you, creepy, right? 🙂

Coming from a long career as an exquisite health practitioner and bodyworker, I’m not sure Patience would even know where to begin to go “quickly” through the morning rising routine. Carefully, she inspects my body for blemish or disturbance. With insight and sensitivity, she begins to move my limbs, deeply conscious as the fluids and energy begin to move within them. Tenderly, every muscle is treated, every threat to skin integrity tended.

With this on top of our long friendship which usually means at least 20 minutes of “how do you do” before beginning to rise, and a little difficulty breaking away from the spiders to wake this morning, it is easily 9:30 AM before making the desk.

Really I’m just squirming at this end of the day thinking about hours not spent on the outward focused work of the day. Really, I’m just squirming.

After breakfast and continuing to settle into the day, I completed my weekly review just in time to get a phone call from a friend road tripping through the desert towards the beautiful Colorado mountains. From hello, and how are you, we tumbled quickly down the rabbit hole of “what is the spectrum of love and attachment” from a spiritual perspective…

What connects us? How are we separate? If distance, how does that feel, if not, how does that feel? What capacities emerge from grasping, what from letting go?

Our conversation was dotted with broken zones in the wireless service which made such depth feel almost that much more “words” from “practice…” At one point I heard “… What I then understood about the difficulty of relationship was” … [technical crackles and silence]… “But on the other hand the majesty of it”… [More crackles and silence]…

Perfect comedic divine poetry.

After riding through the hot desert heat, well over 100°, and yes, vicariously of course ;-), it was time to find a snack, or better, lunch.

LB and Patience were on hand and I have been wanting to have a conversation with the two of them on the subject of how we are cohering as the clear nucleus of activity here. The moving truck will bring the last of Patience’s belongings on Saturday and the shift in LB’s focus on basketball to completing his last four classes for degree will be turning up the heat and focus here.

We began the process today of clarifying our intentions, agreements, aspirations, and practical conditions in both individual and our collective terms. It’s a familiar kind of dialogue for the lady and I, but brand-new territory for the young man. Seeking to synergize, while keeping in mind the robust well-being of each member of a collaborative is not a familiar way of “doing business” in his nascent experience of the world.

Energized by the crackle of our MettaCare practice, I turned my attention to finishing the effort of MettaCare correspondence that has been a central focus of the weekend. Success!

It’s a quiet Sunday afternoon in the week is off to a roaring start nonetheless…

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God gets to know things, we just get to ask questions…