Kabir Kadre
Kabir Kadre
Blog

Space between…

|6 months, 26 days ago

Space between the thought to write and the writing. Space between the day and the reflection on the day. Space between the one day writing and the writing of the day again.

Space between the intention, the practice, then the realization.

Space between the space and the spacelessness…

I thought I would write the other day; the morning after a tragedy in Boulder. Vanessa arrived in tears that morning. “I heard last night.” She said, “I refused to believe it was true.” She said. “My friend Lana was killed in Boulder.” She said.

There it was; the trauma of the world not just on the other side of the screen, not just out there, right here, right in my bedroom, first thing in the morning, my world, our world, our trauma.

I’ve been refraining from referring to Lana and the others as “victims.” Of course I understand the term and its applicability, at the same time, for me, it fails to honor the lives in their fullness. Birth, living, death. Something sacred there…

Thought I would write that evening. Space between the thinking and the writing…

Time continues to feel filled in recent days and weeks, something of a contrast to the way that I continue to feel time as more and more ephemeral.

Busyness flows through the days, the house – in escrow – demands paperwork, considerations, conversations, accounting… Taxes – which I thought I would do myself this year – have asserted the need for a good CPA, thanks to referrals from loving friends that matter settled today…

Three weeks of antibiotics and UTI came to a rest last Sunday and my health has sustained, and even improved since then. In spite of rain my energy is maintaining even while loved ones around me, care partners, neighbors, and others seem to be meeting with their own manifestations of our collective vulnerabilities.

“Be kind to one another; it takes a village to raise a world.” I thought to myself the other day…

Meanwhile I’ve been searching and finding some windows between to do creative contract and collaborative work with partners in the next rings of my orbit. In the midst of it all finding the grace to participate in a variety of intentional practice communities and feeling wildly nourished by those engagements.

The luxury of all of this fullness has been supported in no small way by Elisa who has graciously and, dare I even say joyfully, taken the lead on the project of finding the next house I might call home. Each morning a small flurry of possibilities, phone calls and text messages and video chats scattered throughout the day keep things moving along.

Last evening Vanessa brought her husband Dan with her creating a spontaneous opportunity to revel in the kind of kitchen table dialogue that have become so much more foreign of late. We explored the care of loved ones in the face of tragedy, television series worth watching, crypto currency. Always crypto currency. 😉

We wound the evening down and I slept well again for the second night in a row. The terrible insomnia of last year has faded away, these last evenings of the first return of really consistent sound rest. A fullness of dreams comes with them…

Through the grace of nova and a couple of other kind friends, the weekend will be unlike recent and that I’ll be able to rise from bed. This has been a challenge this month as hiring new care partners has continued to slow as it has for the past year.

That one is an interesting condition as it appears I’ve nearly exhausted the network of friends and family to spread the word, while the online platforms connecting care is starting to look like a familiar hallway of possibilities already explored…

Much remains out of our control, tremendous opportunity for Trust in the unfolding nature of life, living, and death. Each thing in its time… Meanwhile, the beauty. The Grace. The space between the vision and the manifestation, all of it always arising and passing away.


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God gets to know things, we just get to ask questions…