For some reason it feels strange to turn to these pages today with the sun still hovering above the horizon. Air quality remains crummy, a.k.a. golden orange disc descending through the haze.
Still bright enough to create artifacts when I look straight at it.
Echoes of the bright light in my eyes feel reflected in the tingling spasticity through my body.
No word from LB today. Rae called with updates from the Montana front – she took my dad to his doctors appointment today and left him sitting at the kitchen counter with a piece of toast, announcing his readiness for lunch. Not much appetite it sounds these days, but good to hear him happy enough about food. David checked in this morning, clear from his Covid test and settling into the next wave of this adventure through his being. Those are the updates from the various roads most in motion in my field today.
The dream this morning had me moving into a small but elegant home, two stories with a simple Plexiglas platform elevator, myself and a new wife. Still in a wheelchair, the atmosphere was one of a simple and sincere shared commitment to partner in love to serve the world.
Not elated, but practical, filled with light and views of nature and mountains.
I woke nonetheless with anxiety for “my” future. The car, going up for sale will hopefully fetch a few months of caregiving support. Other assets standby ready to go into the fire behind that. No mortgage on the home until next year, so Q4 2020 will determine a lot with regards to the future journey of this body. Or so I suppose.
I managed yesterday to craft an orienting mind map to help discern next steps and wise direction as the liquid earth continues to unfold beneath my feet. Today I put that to YouTube in order to share with the handful of individuals who persist in asking to be of service to this process.
Patience encouraged me to move in the direction of a personal landing page as a way to help channel focus and energy through multiple streams. I began drafting that today as well.
Dr. Mike visited in the middle of the day today, still in the early throes of prototyping the doctor of the future as a reflection of the doctor of the past, practicing in the home, knowing the family and the movements of the community as well as the movements of the tissues within the patients themselves.
It’s exciting to be a part of his process, developing the new tools, partnerships, and procedures not only for patient and practitioner, but students, and processes as well.
Someone asked how I was doing the other day, I still feel the same way… Like a small luminous ball of light, tossed in the white water spray and surf on the rocky edge of a bright and oceanic cosmos, rough and ancient dark rocks meet this threshold, an eternal earth stoically reflecting the dynamism of its timeless sea of creativity.
Here am I, somehow more substance than simple sparkle, not quite the ocean or earth itself, but rather a reflection of a wakeful atmosphere of light that brings it all into being.
A photo of my dad’s smiling face, sun darkened skin, old cowboy hat and jacket against the wooden fence rests peacefully, company reminding me that our knowledge of one another is but a window piercing some facet of an infinite soul, the soul of beauty perhaps.
Darkness settles in outside, just a little light left up high in the blue, enough to show the last message of grey clouds whispering in the sky.
God gets to know things, we just get to ask questions…