Kabir Kadre
Kabir Kadre
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Shifting the weight…

Kabir Kadre|7 months, 27 days ago

I slept deep and sound last night. I tried to start the evening with an audiobook set to quiet itself in 15 minutes. I don’t think I lasted five. I turned it off and was the proverbial “lights out” before my head hit the pillow.

I didn’t stir in the evening despite another epic weird dream which did drive me into some of the more liminal territories of wakefulness within sleep, just trying to make sense of why these images were dancing through my brain.

Nothing profound, just artifacts of recent YouTube videos and memories of friends.

Waking near the 7 o’clock hour after a long rest, I felt as though enormous energy was going into the healing process and thus my slumber.

Cassandra was around today to get me up, tend to the ankle, and get me through the shower unscathed.

She asked me about some head shots she had taken on-site for her other job. “What’s wrong with these?” She asked. I studied them for a bit, really lovely photos of her smiling face, everything seemed right – she filled the frame well, professional attire, the background spoke to purpose – and then I realized…

It’s all about the lighting really. In these particular photos, the light was on her nose and forehead, but the rest of her face was in shadow. Kind of a subtle Rudolph effect at play. Otherwise perfect images, but in this sense, unfixable. In photography at least, it’s always about the light.

There’s probably a good metaphor in there for the rest of it.

Swing low Sweet chariot echoes on the hi-fi in the background as I contemplate in this moment the value of bringing the light more fully to the subject in order to really appreciate the beauty of things.

As we were leaving the shower, I realized, just as we are preparing to leave the house for an entirely new chapter, inside my bathroom shower is really a perfect place for portrait photos! The frosted window lets in the perfect diffuse light from the morning sun, the neutral but slightly textured tiles on the walls provide a universally accessible background.

Something worth playing with in these days weeks before departure…

I’ve been keeping my calendar less informed lately. I think it has to do with the sense of being between moments right now. So much attention and energy placed on moving away from my physical location, moving away from familiar accoutrement, moving away from scarce care, moving away from the turbulent uncertainty of the last year…

I spent a little time today doing some contract work. Activities like this, studying, tending house, feel more stable and rooted. It’s been difficult to put those roots in place lately with that sense of motion, I’m taking it as a good sign that I’m able to lean a little that way today.

Up and about I felt a little chill and discomfort in the morning, retreating to the garden in my all-black attire in hopes of soaking up some of the solar radiation to transform my bones. It was a good opportunity to put my foot up, and do a little research work with Cassandra on the nuance and detail of the fountain repair.

I’ve ordered some silicone stoppers and needed to confirm the wire diameter for the pond pump in order to drill the holes properly in the stoppers in hopes of plugging the leak. Everything seemed to go rather smoothly and I think we’ve got our numbers now. We even found the right drill bit on hand, of course I might have something even better if I can get a metric bit set on hand.

Next order of business was closing the book on the bedbug infestation chapter from the days of LB – not that long ago really, but in 2020 times still feeling like forever. Just a few final pillowcases to stop cooking in the late summer to early winter sun, a final check and laundry to be done.

A text from Elisa came through, “Time to chat??” The double punctuation got my attention.

I called. She was frustrated with the prospect of moving all of my assets into a trust where they might be restricted and encumbered in limiting ways. We spoke for over an hour evaluating, postulating, structuring, inventing, reflecting.

I feel so fortunate that I have intelligent, creative, caring, and engaged individuals surrounding me in this life. As in the dream, piercing inquiry, leaving no stones unturned, and searching for the sake of truth, wisdom, and integrity. I think we learned a lot together in the call, and it readied me to carry on the conversation further with David who will be the first alternate trustee in her stead.

David walked through the door just as we were finishing, much to the delight of Ms. Cassandra, and also to myself.

We are evaluating which furniture and computer hardware will move from here with him in support of his ongoing and increasingly professional efforts to manage investments in the crypto markets.

We spent a good couple of hours together, carrying on the conversation of economics, finance, investment, and strategy, arriving, I thought, at some solid actionable intel and direction. He and Cassandra made lunch in the midst of it and our conversation ran through the dining hour as well.

We finished on a lighter note. I’ve recently received a novel solution to the Trolley Problem I had sent it to David, but he was waiting to view it with Cassandra who had not heard of the classical ethics conundrum. David laughed, that child remembers those realms less fearfully than do we, he said grinning.

Nova and I caught up for a bit. Some positive developments, though tentative, in her tender situation had escaped my awareness and I was glad to be brought current. We organized a grocery outing, both as a matter of weekly routine, and in preparation for the lockdown which begins tomorrow.

She stepped out and I turned my attention to that contract and related professional work I mentioned earlier.

I had proposed with colleagues that we create a feedback form that clients might use some months after their engagement to help polish our craft and offering in the field. The invitation was warmly met at the I had promptly dropped it in the flurry of life’s recent unfolding’s.

It felt good to both find and return to the project and I was able to get a good first draft pushed back out to the community today before focusing more intently on the related contract for the following window of time.

I’ll wind down now, in hopes of another solid slumber towards wellness tomorrow. My ankle has I think been giving me some grief today, not sure if that is good news or bad, but will keep with the ice and ibuprofen and elevation and prayers nonetheless.


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God gets to know things, we just get to ask questions…