Kabir Kadre
Kabir Kadre

Return of the haunt

Kabir Kadre|1 year, 9 months ago

I often hesitate to consider color, considering my color other sighted nature, so I’ve been hard-pressed today to describe the light. Here under clouds and smoke, almost damp warm temperatures, it’s been as though the day feels as yellow as it looks.

Slightly crazy, slightly disturbed.

The morning started just before 5 AM, waking from a dream – not quite apocalyptic, certainly a disturbed and disoriented reality. Tension and a bit of anarchy, subtle confrontations though nothing gross in nature.

The lady P called yesterday to institute a new household practice of 7 AM meditation for all hands on deck. LB is yet unconvinced. I heard her morning practice alarm ring out shortly after my waking. I rested in the dark and quiet, occasional sounds of her practice, LB’s morning trip down the hall and back stirring in the silence.

About 6 AM I rose and began my own morning meditation process. 7 o’clock arrived, just she and I. LB sleeping through his alarm, and Stephanie happily munching her bagel in the car expecting a text from me to let her know to begin the morning routine.

I had thought the night before to send a text to her alerting her to the new group practice opportunity. Note to self: learn to respond with more fidelity to my intuition.

Patience and I practiced together for about 30 minutes and then spent the next 30 unpacking the threads of assumption and frustration that have failed to give her the experience of all hands on deck, moving into coherence, that she had been seeking with her enrollment yesterday.

We left it that we would move in this direction in an ad hoc manner, focusing on the weekend coming as a watershed moment to fully ground the intentions.

I finished the morning routine with Stephanie and got up and out by about 10:30 AM, shortly after 1 PM after working diligently for a while I was back to bed – the same creeping intense autonomic dysreflexia to the levels of distraction that sidelined me a few weeks back.

Fortunately, Dr. Mike was already scheduled to stop by this afternoon and my reclined position – again fully comfortable when not sitting up – would be perfect for a hands-on treatment.

As always, he and I had a lovely conversation, advancing among other things, an incoming list of good primary care physicians for young Stephanie to begin to forge a relationship with. (Possibly Vanessa as well who is new in town. 🙂

I managed to get up again a little before 5 PM and get some work done, but now – just about the hour mark later (familiar from previous episodes) my body is almost completely distracted with autonomic dysreflexia.

Time to put some food down, and then me down.

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