Kabir Kadre
Kabir Kadre

Optimistic morning

Kabir kadre|2 years, 1 month ago

I slept better again last night, waking again to a dream of being awoken on an airplane by the announcement that we are landing, only to realize that it was morning and I was in bed.

I’ve been using melatonin, CBD, and a few other herbs to help me sleep lately but the melatonin (I think) even at the dosage of one drop seems to be leaving me quite groggy in the mornings. I’m going to try cutting back on the medicine and see if sleep might come naturally. Of course it may also help that I’ve run out of coldpressed coffee and have neglected to make more – a trend I’m contemplating continuing for a while.

I’ve also been experiencing more autonomic dysreflexia lately which has been a bit of a hindrance to daily work; the source of the discomfort have remained a bit of a mystery and has brought me to the point of today attempting to re-simplify my diet. I’ve been eating well lately, farm style and ayurvedic meals with lots of good spices and proteins mixed with greens.

This morning I’m going with hot cereal and will attempt to continue a fairly neutral trend through the day to see how that may affect my gut. I wonder if I haven’t done enough damage over the years with antibiotics that a major reconstruction of the gut microbiota may be in order…

Caroline also suggested fennel seeds after meals, that sounds good.

While acute mental focus and body stillness have been a bit off the menu this week, I’ve still managed an increased dosage of rich interpersonal engagements. This continued yesterday with a nice long catch-up and support dialogue with a long-held and dear San Diego friend now living on the central coast. Tomás and I met at Jenny’s birthday 14 years ago almost to the day, someone – I forget who – probably Jenny sat us together in the restaurant thinking we might go along, and sure enough we have.

I had the honor to officiate at his wedding a few years back, another event rather disrupted by autonomic dysreflexia and fragile health, though we were able to make sure the only impact to the wedding party was my absence from the informal celebratory activities. In any case, the 100 minutes we caught together yesterday was the most we’ve enjoyed, I think in a few years, and allowed me the opportunity to feel “productive” while sitting in the sun and cooking off the physical distress moment by moment.

The end of the day yesterday was devoted to the (mostly) weekly meditation class with Dr. Brown, himself pulling his physical form together through the thick of the debilitating body distress he endures these days to come online and meet with a class of about 75 to lead us through a lecture of understanding – from both the Buddhist, and Western psychological perspectives – how the mind grasps at an object, undergoing an eight point process of applying a positive, neutral, or negative judgment; giving shape and form to the object; labeling the various aspects; giving meaning to the object and then subsequently relating that meaning to the self, for finally elaborating on that relationship, projecting into the past for the various memories and identifications that are brought up from that reflection. I think I probably left something out as I’m still learning this, however the usefulness was then demonstrated in our meditation as we followed Dan’s guidance through an intentional engagement with the process and then reversing to let go of each successive wave of identification and grasping until we could rest peacefully free from any “grab” and allowing the mind to continue softening itself into a wakeful presence, more agile, secure, and capable to meet the arising moment.

Then a quick call with Elisa to help sort out her process of installing the new home network equipment we found together to replace those failing bits that had served her for the last decade, dinner with Miss Cassandra, shower, and bed.

Today is bright and sunny and I’m optimistic for my health and the work I might get done, additionally today and tomorrow I have calls scheduled with two new friends from my recent engagement with the Visionary Sessions community, both of whom seem to have wisdom and insight relevant to applying to my existing focus on MettaCare and what way that might play a role in helping us all transition to the dramatic shifts underway for our familiar lifestyles and global/national power relations…

No doubt there is work to be done. And photos to sort, always photos to sort.


Also feel free to pop over to the ongoing fundraising site that helps to pay the salaries of those wonderful souls get me out of bed each day and make my life possible, without them his words would never touch the page, let alone the scenes they describe unfold in the first place. ??

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God gets to know things, we just get to ask questions…