Kabir Kadre
Kabir Kadre

One day at a time…

Kabir Kadre|1 year, 10 months ago

Whirring clicking, and loud, Venusion techno dance club audio scape that is the inside of an MRI machine. Earplugs protecting the ears, and still the sound dominates sensory input. The machine today scanning at twice the resolution as last week, this time the middle and upper spine.

Different scans, different experience – last week a cool breeze blowing through the machine, I was grateful for the extra warm blankets. Today, headfirst into the chamber and I felt like I was in a microwave being heated from within.

I meditated, practicing my unflinching concentration. I did mostly well I think, but only for about 45 minutes or an hour before the strange beats, unearthly sounds reminiscent of something going terribly wrong in a 1970s outerspace science fiction flick, pierced the integrity of my efforts.

The next 45 minutes was pleasant enough, though not quite so relaxing as a nice meditation. I was grateful to find the edge and will work harder to refine my concentration.

Driving home, LB and I took the scenic route to take in the world of pandemic on a Friday night. The park was full of families picnicking, practitioners doing yoga, and a food truck serving the crowd. The streets mostly packed with masked diners wandering towards the outdoor seating.

Given the late hour we decided on take out and stopped at the local bistro to introduce the impossible burger, strange plant-based nonmeat, but terribly reminiscent of slaughtered, ground, and cooked bovine muscle tissue.

Today was the best day I’ve had in quite some time in terms of how my body fared. I was up early, out of bed and working in the office by 8:30 AM. Mostly I was still playing the game of catch up, scheduling appointments next week for the pain clinic, interviewing another potential Care Partner, clearing in boxes and desk debris, and helping my friends grapple with bureaucracy and education.

Bit by bit we make our way. I slept well last night, appreciating the bright glow of the moon light out my bedroom window as I drifted into rest. Busy dreams in the night again, I’ve become acutely aware in the mornings of the mental noise these dreams most often represent… Some attachment, aversion, or confusion lingering in my mind pushing forward projections of shadows and light, at play in the darkness or in the day.

One day at a time still, alone and yet surrounded, falling, yet supported by innumerable hands. One day at a time. Kind strangers at the hospital, as one finds, friendly smiles and warm hearts beaming from behind facemasks and blue scrubs. Here we are, all helping each other, one day at a time.

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God gets to know things, we just get to ask questions…