Kabir Kadre
Kabir Kadre

October 30

Kabir Kadre|1 year, 8 months ago

It has been some days since I have written.

Thinking about the full moon, thinking about karma.

I’m sitting up in the hospital right now. I thought I would sleep earlier. Sleep has been difficult lately.

Last night was exceptionally so, finding me awake until 3 AM. After I was able to does off I did my best to stay that way until after nine.

I decided that this evening I would go ahead and avail myself of whatever heavy medicines the pharmacy had to offer.

Each moment right now is a precious one to consider. Of course that could be said for all moments. Nonetheless, I should very much like my wits about me these days.

I will most likely not be leaving the hospital to return to Mill Peak. The Rather likely Destiination is a skilled nursing facility.

The social workers and case manager here at the hospital have been graciously facilitating the paperwork and research for those outcomes.

In the meantime, the house is going up for sale and I am anticipating a faster rate of new experiences on the horizon.

The prescribed sleep medication  – trazodone – has had the reverse effect. Leaving me so spastic (a side effect in 1% of cases) There is no way I am sleeping right now.

I’ve taken new drugs to counter the spasticity, we shall see though where that leads me.

Karma, as I understand it is the cumulative effect of those experiences that our mind, body, or spirit grasp onto and reify  as representative of the true nature of being.

These embedded reification’s produce an increasingly complex and sophisticated projection of mind. These projections produce our new experiences of the world and, uninterrupted, the cycle persists.

In this way we become increasingly enmeshed with these subtle determination of what “life“ is, and “who we are“ within it.

A more modern interpretation of how experience arises might tend to suggest more of that these experiences are the result of good and bad luck in combination with our degrees of applied integrity.

I prefer the former as it seems more comprehensive, elegant, and therefore simple.

So, waves of perturbation running through my skeletal muscular system, I am lying here trying to contemplate, what karmic traces are running through this being.

The outcome is often that, at the near edge of a breakthrough, the launch of something exciting and new, either  my own actions – for example, not recognizing when to exit the market, or failing a comprehensive enrollment before project launch, or – circumstantial events, – spontaneous pneumothorax, The sudden life choice of someone pivotal in the situation – the air goes completely out and I am left with nothing but a memory and whatever learning I can scrap together from the efforts.

I can hear the wise words of a good teacher I know echoing in my mind… Not contemplate, meditate.

It is that which breaks the karmic patterns, not the other way around.

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God gets to know things, we just get to ask questions…