Kabir Kadre
Kabir Kadre

November 12

Kabir Kadre|1 year, 7 months ago

Patterns continue to reverberate…

The”almost settled” Discharge plan has begun to unravel itself, again by forces outside of my control or prediction. The thin thread of hope for a Friday discharge, Friday the 13th I just learned, has unwound nearly completely.
I sent the maximum allowed Number of inquiries to potential care partners at care.com and fortunately received a commensurate Number of replies. Of which now 2-4 seem like good candidates with whom to move forward.
Meanwhile the body distresses of yesterday, temporarily waylaid by a bladder flush in the evening and the catheter change in the morning, have returned end it is again by force of will that I rise to write these words Neer 10 PM in contrast to simply sinking into surrender in the dark.
Speaking of reverberations, my old friend Zara surprised me with a visit today. She was a resident on my service team with family medicine when I was here are year ago for the pneumothorax. We hit it off then and spend a good number of hours in the evening after her shift, or perhaps on break, just regaling one another with stories and thoughts and questions on wisdom and Faith and God and all things life in general.
We have not seen each other since I left the hospital last December, but I had wondering if I would see her this visit. Lo and behold, she came smiling behind her mask into the evening room today and we just spent the last few hours playing catch-up and getting right back into the grit of our threads.
Echoes of time, echoes of form, echoes of patterns of life…
I wonder, is my heart open enough to navigate these uncertain waters? The case management and social working staff here seems to have a limited scope of resources to bring to bear on my case leaving me with much the sense I’m figuring it out on my own under the increasing pressure of the system to drive me back into the nursing home.
Indeed I am not alone, Alia has continued vigilance on the housing Front to the point where options abound, simply waiting for the path forward to open up. Elisa had some ideas on that as well today… echoing back to the need for care.
I am found myself challenged, contemplating the hiring process from a hospital bed with no better chance to interview then what energy I can muster together between fits of dysreflexia, nothing more then a telephone to bridge the gap.
Certainly more decisions must be made tomorrow.
Just in this moment now, Stefanie has replied to say that she can cover Half of the time we had thought she would be available, at least in the near term. I’ll have to contemplate this for its hiring implications in the morning, when I hope I will find myself rested enough to do so with sound mind. Now is not the time.
Now for prayer, visualization, meditation, and rest.

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God gets to know things, we just get to ask questions…