Kabir Kadre
Kabir Kadre

New Moon in Pisces. Reflective?

Kabir Kadre|2 years, 4 months ago

This morning at 7:32 AM, just a few minutes after I rose to my alarm, the moon went direct in its “new” phase. With the moon’s position in the sky in the region of Pisces, one astrologer had this to say:

“This new moon has the potential to scour out old fears, regrets, disappointments, anger, feelings of betrayal and loss, shame and other emotional debris.”

I wasn’t really thinking about that as I woke this morning, I generally take notes of those things and catch up to them on my calendar sometime during the day.

Nonetheless, Greg arrived with the announcement on his lips that starting one week from today he would be unavailable for the 4 morning shifts he’s been covering for many many months now. “Anger, feelings of betrayal and loss” anyone? To be fair, Greg has been predicting this since the beginning of the year, but our conversations on the matter have allowed it to remain ambiguous, and I had anticipated some wiggle room, or at least more notice.

I won’t speak for Greg, but I can certainly see how I allowed the ambiguity to persist longer than I should have. “Regret, disappointment, shame” anyone? “Buehler?”

To return to our metaphors from yesterday, the Dragon has poked its head around the corner, eyes glistening, sparks flickering in its nostrils. “Old fears” anyone?

Of course any rational person will tell you, astrology is just silliness. Still, I find it funny how those words I copied and pasted into my calendar a week ago seems so apropos to the morning I enjoyed today.

“Don’t wallow in them.” the astrologer had gone on to say. Again, I wasn’t reading these words until I had made it to my desk around 9 AM. With great good fortune, and not a little effort, I had already managed to claim a sense of responsibility (goodbye anger, feelings of betrayal) and was beginning to embrace the sense of loss, disappointment, regret, and shame I felt at having failed to have held more integrity to clarity in the matter.

Knees dusted and bloodied, a bit sad for feeling the way I have let down those around me to allow this sudden break to occur, I nonetheless came into the day with a sense of resolve. “Hello Dragon. Let’s do this thing.”

While I have course know that astrology is nonsense, and one should never bother one’s mind with such absurdities, the astrologer went on:

“Spend time today with anything, anyone, or any environment that raises your vibration, brings you joy, beauty and laughter. Keep it personal, unique to you, and honor your own individuality especially around your personal needs and desires. Own them, forgive the past, and look towards the future.”

I texted my friend Elisa, “What’s news love? Happy new moon! Coming visiting today? :-)” friendship raises my vibration, brings me joy, beauty and laughter, it’s personal and unique, and she appreciates my individuality.

That’s all the astrologer had to say, not bad for 9 AM on a Sunday.

There was reading to be done, a couple of articles I felt I needed to keep up with, a couple of notes to send to friends, and a set of songs I was excited to find. Of course there was correspondence, I would need to reach out to a handful of folks to begin to rally my strength for the next wave of effort.

But first, the discipline of the weekly review. Everybody has their own way of organizing (or not) their lives, my particular version goes back about 13 years now when my friend Andy invited me to read a book by David Allen. I adopted the system he offered, in total at the time and have tweaked it to suit myself and my own idiosyncrasies over the ages since then. Regardless, with 156 projects on the book and over 1300 to do items, keeping track of the moving parts on a weekly basis is incredibly helpful.

These days that project is interspersed with breakfast, morning news, a handful of quick communications and anything else that might not like to wait, and generally takes the first couple hours of a Sunday morning.

At the very least it situates me well for the coming week, and when things are really humming, longer.

Despite my attitude check, sober appreciation of what I’ll need to accomplish this week, and a generally pleasant day, bringing Caitlin up to speed on the developments to land in a week and the uncertainties I’ll need to wrangle between now and then left me feeling a bit weak in the stomach. Caitlin was of course a trooper, both expressing her frustration and concerns, clearly stating her boundaries and capacities, while also continuing to demonstrate her clear commitment to give all the support she could.

She offered a handful of ideas that will be very helpful this week, ranging from the possibility of family coming to help out, to some quick and dirty hiring approaches that might give us a little breathing room in the journey.

Minor nausea side I managed to get down a little lunch. Ironically, fresh pear and cheese which sounded to me soft on the tummy, brought its own challenges. Cold pear landed on my gut and nervous system throwing my body into fits of spasticity which would occupy 30 to 50% of my attention for the coming 90 minutes.

I spent the time focusing on a little artwork, allowing my heart a little room to play and stretch before what promises to be a fairly intense week dawning tomorrow. I’m as ready as I can be, now let what come, come.

I must’ve listened five times today to the song “Appearance and Sound, Like Reflection and Echo” still aspirational to me, but a good view to have in the windscreen.

Elisa arrived just after 3:30 PM, just as Caitlin was heading out for the afternoons errands, and we settled into tea and conversation in the afternoon light. My “favorite songs” playlist shuffling in the background, we wandered through the politics of the day and where they might lead America in its little journey of relevance in the wide ocean of history. Indeed, where would be the human species a few decades from now seems ripe on the tongues of many.

We touched on work and taxes, relational fidelity, accountability, and justice. We explored spreadsheets and trauma, scenarios and concerns.

Elisa has an economics degree (“why, it’s bizarre” she says), many years old now and never quite brought central to her efforts in the world. Efforts that have been many, and have certainly graced the structures of economy on numerous occasions, and I always love to engage her in matters of accounting, whether for fiscal, spiritual, relational, or any other form of economics for that matter.

She generously entertained the conversation through the narrow streets of my broader and more acute circumstance today, offering many helpful insights, but most of all just that spirit of friendship that nourishes laughter, joyfulness, and appreciation for that unique sense of self.

I got a late start writing in my journal today as our conversation went long. As a matter fact, Elise is still here, just a few feet to my right clicking away the keyboard on her computer, getting her own jumpstart on the busy week ahead.

New moons often signify beginnings. This one seems quite poetically timed with threshold movements in my life today. The Dragon has arrived, the trial begins, nevermind two decades, where will I be in 15 days, when this particular cycle of the moon has reached its fullness?

With luck, I will write to say.

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God gets to know things, we just get to ask questions…