Kabir Kadre
Kabir Kadre
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New day

|4 months, 10 days ago

Darkness is just fallen over the first day of this new cycle of time. It would seem simple enough to call it a year, or perhaps a next decade, yet the wave of whatever this is seems beyond any immediate view from the vantage of this moment; rather I feel very much within its motion, not so much a sense of clarity of where we are in this cycle as we pass this familiar marker of Gregorian one.

It’s been a full day. My body here just 10 minutes to the hour of 6 PM feeling the acute distress of some dysreflexia, probably I suppose a strain from the lower back, though I cannot be certain of source of course.

Sleep was a bit offkilter last night, though I did manage to find some rest in the way. I woke brightly enough before dawn and was able to sit and start the year in some good meditation. Stephanie came in before I was finished and sat quietly, company on the couch in silence.

A few moments after the bell, Nova appeared in the doorway as well, hair tossed from a good nights sleep, smile reflecting the same. There is some quality of aloneness to my life, not unfamiliar to many I think in this pandemic time, and these visitors offer some real nourishment by way of breaking that plane.

All of the various visible trouble spots continue to show signs of improvement. I started the year with a couple of podcasts while Stephanie helped me up and into the shower. This was our first time dancing in that realm which meant guiding her through each step of the process.

Stephanie is so earnest, and brings a bright mind to her efforts to care which in turn gave me a very gracious and easy experience of teaching a delicate process, most often best shared by example from someone skilled already.

We made it through with flying colors, save for one minor hiccup at the end which left us both momentarily a little alarmed, little bleeding ensued, but more a visual upset than anything else and we were able to recover quickly, get dressed, and on with the day with little concern.

The first day of the year here in San Diego was bright and sunny. Nova asked if we might meet to discuss some clarity around her living here and the balanced exchange of energy making that possible. She took her cup of coffee, and I my bowl of oatmeal and we adjourned to the sunshine in the garden for a chat.

After breakfast I joined her for a cup of coffee as we brought ourselves satisfactorily into a shared seeing of things.

The phone rang, Elisa calling to wish a happy new year and discuss our next steps in moving forward the financial restructuring which is the Trust, and the path forward which may leave us operating from the home on Mill Peak for the foreseeable future, Inshallah.

The topics were complex, deep, and high-stakes, the call was sticky and long and ended on an off note, but in the end we managed to build some more foundation and plot clear next steps forward – a meeting tomorrow in person to build a coherent plan and possible path.

Stephanie and I turned the fountain back on, still running troubleshooting steps to see if the leak has indeed been addressed, one more check this evening to see how the learning is progressing.

The rest of the day with spent on minor clerical, running payroll, clearing in boxes, but just for a few of the moments, most of the daylight was devoted to correspondence, both in person with my lovely company, but also on the phone to Elise and Charles, and a bit more friendly letters to friends.

The sunset this evening, pinstripe colors stretching across the sky on narrow clouds against the yellow fading glow, like the rainbow of the Bible, a promise that beauty has not forsaken the world, and day by day, the precious gift of life is here for us but to notice.

I will wind down now, taking this tender body closer to resting, much healing yet remains, not just for me, but for countless millions, for all of us together, I will do my best to do my part.


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