Kabir Kadre
Kabir Kadre


Kabir kadre|2 years, 2 months ago

Looking out the window of the sliding glass doors in my bedroom this morning, Caitlin announced, “we have a visitor!” “There’s a big bird out there…” “A Cooper’s Hawk it looks like, but it can’t be that.”

“In fact, it is.” I said.

“I thought so.” She said.

Recently I have been noticing the new neighbor soaring about in the sky, long straight tail distinct in its silhouette. Sitting in the garden, looking up, I’m familiar with the red tail Hawks who have been raising their families in this little valley for as long as I have been here and likely much longer.

The Cooper’s Hawk is new. Going online in search of the silhouette I have learned that these are bird eaters, swift and agile. This was borne out the other day as I watched this graceful shape swoop across the street and straight into a tree at full speed. A large bird, yet seemingly unfazed by the dense foliage.

I’m still reconciling the feelings of having a predator of this nature in the neighborhood while the small birds which I have enjoyed in plenty as they bathe and drink and play in the stream in the morning, or flitter about the windows as I work at my desk are clearly now on the menu.

I find myself wondering if this new appearance might have anything to do with the reduced activity of the two leggeds that seems to have stormed the globe.

Either way, there is a new beautiful bird in town.

The morning was the usual witty play between Caitlin and I, today’s conversation wove about the Guru drama in Oregon in the early 90s. We laughed that this had been news to Caitlin as the sociological nature of the story is so very right up her alley.

“I think we assume a lot of content in the awareness of awakened Masters.” She said, referring to Osho’s apparent absence of knowledge of the murderous intent of his disciples.

Thanks to the melatonin I went to bed like a weary five-year-old who is just sure they’ve got a few more hours of play left in them, if only they could get their eyes to stay open one minute longer. I fell asleep easily, but woke quite crisply somewhere near the stroke of 1 AM.

I sat up and turned on the ceiling fan to stir the night air that felt heavy and hot. Lying back down I closed my eyes and focused on a restful state, allowing my awareness to drift outside of itself in hopes of watching sleep return. I’m not sure if it ever did, but I think it must have if only in little waves.

Nonetheless, morning arrived with the familiar heaviness of the melatonin hangover. At least I felt rested, if a bit hot and lethargic.

I rose for meditation, watching the density of my mind incarnate as it kept pulling the awareness into elaborate ideas of self and other. Patiently, I pierced these constructs, recognizing the boundlessness from which these forms emerged. Again and again this happened, and then the bell. A few more moments I sat, just noticing this quality waving oscillation between fusion and emptiness.

Time to begin the day, I sent the simple character text message which would alert Caitlin to my readiness to rise. She entered with her usual smile, of late hidden behind a mask, glass of water with lime in hand.

So many places that I look these days, incarnation seems hard and heavy. Hearts broken from a sense of separation, voices speak of longing to offer love and struggle to find a path, and myself, some idea that I should marshal more in service to those radiant faces peering from around every corner, and yet how…

Somewhere, I think there is a playfulness, and a lightness to be found in recognizing the timeless play within which all of this arises. Ideas of me, time, you, salvation, like colored blocks catching the morning like as sunshine streams in the window and infant I delighted just for the possibility of sensing the warm, kindly rounded edges of things, the soft moss like ground, and the easy feeling of freedom drifting through the soul…

So it’s Friday, time to catch any of those outstanding clerical matters of the week, deposit checks and close business in preparation for the weekend.

As anticipated, the skies crystal blue and the breeze light. I should find my way outdoors for a few moments next before the heat of the day is quite all the way upon us.

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God gets to know things, we just get to ask questions…