Kabir Kadre
Kabir Kadre

Mental strength…

Kabir Kadre|1 year, 8 months ago

A dim sense of discomfort radiates through my body, coolness, not quite rising to the level of a sense of dampness, with an edge of tension – mild spasticity lurking about like a teenager in a mood.

The recent San Diego heatwave is broken today, at least for now, next week, we’ll see. I rolled out of the house today for the first bit in a little while, air quality was reported as better though I still thought I could see something of the air which was also not entirely without odor.

I’m just now coming from a meditation with Dan and the Sangha that grows and persists in his field. The focus today was on realizing the depths of a robustly well sense of attachment within the being. Where would we be, the question had been posed, if the young now president of the United States had been raised in an environment of healthy and loving parental care.

I have occasionally found myself feeling a sense of loneliness and a quality of enormous weight to the condition of being paralyzed and all the care that that requires from others. Particularly in the context of our sweet and straining humanity, where we are still working out the functional processes of insuring this care for all, I can find myself wondering with a sense of doubt, how one person can organize and generate the resources necessary for such care.

During the break between the discussion and the meditation, I had offered thanks to one woman who had shared something quite beautiful and profound about her own meditation practice. “Your practice” I had said.

With kindness, tenderness, and love she had replied, “it’s really all of our practice.” Such a resonant truth. About 25 of us had made the class today, each from our various web cameras scattered around some parts of the world.

A young man, obviously familiar with some of the other practitioners, whispered briefly that he sometimes feels lonely.

Particularly in the space of Awakening Practice, the clear intent has to do with “all beings everywhere” or, looked at another way, all of the facets of being that arise, the well-being, peace, happiness, and longevity of all of those expressions.

Countless beings, myself included on occasion, make this prayer. The river of that intent is itself oceanic. As a practitioner of this intention, it is quickly easy to see oneself as a drop in this timeless immensity. What loneliness could be possible is but as if a brief inhale to the eternal radiance of love.

Speaking of radiance, Patience brought home this evening a heater we hope will raise the temperature in the former bedroom of LB, taped shut since his departure so that the little guests he left behind might remain contained until these arrangements for their warming until death could be made.

Back to the river with you our tiny friends.

Tired from a late night this morning having kept up kind Vanessa for shower training, I managed to rise for meditation before the dawn, rest a little, and rise again to meet Patience for more of the same at seven. After our session together and anticipating a busy day (which did not later unfold as I had imagined), I suggested she take Uma for her morning jaunt, grab a little tea and breakfast before beginning my day. I would take the opportunity for a little more rest, even in the face of the busy dream that seemed to want to stay with me through this morning.

Part of the mornings errand was to be aiding our brother David to depart from his air B&B having completed phase 1 of his quarantine – a negative test. As such, you may imagine my surprise when partway through dressing the text message on my phone lit up that he was just 1/2 a mile away and on his way to the house.

I rose, brushed my teeth, and the lady went out the door to collect our friend in hopes of saving him a bit of a trudge with his 70 pound go bag on his back. Just a few minutes later, the familiar sound of his voice, and feel of his presence adorned the home at Mill Peak for the first in some time.

After an initial jostle of cheer and warm greeting, the atmosphere quickly settled into that quiet hum of goodwill and contented well-being that is the space of this timeless friendship. Each of us working at our respective desks just next to one another as we have done for countless hours before.

Last year’s taxes were brought to a close, Katie was consulted for her insights on the setting up of a podcast. She also of course shared the broken heart she carries in the unbreathable air of southern Oregon where thousands remain in a state of total loss and without home.

Vanessa is back, making pizza just now. David has retired, with glee to the Motel 6 down the road where he will enjoy a precious solitude for some days to come, just nurturing and restoring his own sense of peace and well-being after a very long haul of nurturing and caring for the tragically and devastatingly broken heart of his aged father.

It is with tender foot that I step forward now into these moments of my life. The state with my father remains fragile. LB grows more quiet each day, his journey through this trying time, uncertain; the view from here more dim with each moment.

Dan offered a complementary pair of points this evening. On one hand, this moment, this practice of realizing the depths of love, might be the last we have. On the other hand an attitude of mental strength, “no excuses” for this opportunity right here, right now, to do our very best.

As a patriot, a lover of democracy, and with some years of experience under his belt, Dan is very sad and concerned for the future of this nation. “Vote.” He almost begged.

Climate rises ocean tides, threatening to unseat hundreds of millions from their homes. Fear and confusion divide people worldwide from one another, across the globe and in our local communities. The billionaires of the world have seen their wealth increased by 25% as populations everywhere have been forced from their incomes and businesses have shuttered around the world.

In the midst of the sixth mass extinction, just on the end of two centuries of genocide, the native peoples of turtle Island, the Jews of Europe, the Tibetan people of the high plateau, the bison of the Great Plains, ants of North America…

Rarely is there such a time as this, so ripe for the very best we have to offer to our practice, to one another, to the practice that is all of us together, to the practice of a wise and caring biosphere nurturing a holistic well-being for all time.

Rising this morning, I listened to most of an interview with my friend Daniel whom I’ve yet to meet very closely. The subject at hand, picking carefully, and clearly the path best suited to our feet through this rocky stretch of journey we find ourselves on today. I couldn’t be more grateful for some small place in this sacred conversation.

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God gets to know things, we just get to ask questions…