Kabir Kadre
Kabir Kadre

Magic from Mexico…

Kabir kadre|2 years, 25 days ago

I slept late this morning. Waking after seven with a 10 o’clock meeting on the books. Something slapped loud in the night, just after 2 AM. The wind chimes in strong winds singing like a Symphony Orchestra. Wide-awake, I thought perhaps the screen had blown off the kitchen window, or maybe the calendar off the wall in the kitchen…

Wide-awake and a little parched I sat up to drink a little water and then returned prone to spend a time focusing on my breathing and letting go back into sleep.

It’s late morning now. Courtney is in the kitchen just starting on breakfast and I spent the 45 minutes before 10 just clearing the morning messages from the inbox and getting situated for our conversation with the woman from the Institute for Strategic Clarity. Funny sentence.

I’m a little taken in this moment, my heart up in my shoulders, as if wings, reflecting on the experience of our conversation with Annabel, who joined us from her home just three hours north of Mexico City to help unpack our collective group responses (our little team of MettaCare) to the ISC Agreements Health Check survey designed to reveal the nature and quality of the agreements at work in our collective.

Jumping around through time and space and thoughts… My computer just went down and back up a few minutes later, in that space, breakfast was ready and I’m just now back online and sated from the delicious spiced vegetable curry.

Last evening I spent some time online learning about the violent atrocities being committed by the police on protesters responding to systemic police violence. I noticed a visceral reaction in myself, watching policeman literally run over with horses and trucks, nonviolent protesters. I found myself imagining ways in which those actors might be harmed themselves in the midst of the actions – literally violent thoughts of knives and bullets and impact.

Witnessing these thoughts I was able to let go of the desire to see these terrible things unfold, and allow compassion to well up both for the victims of their confused aggression, and the human beings so lost as to perpetrate the actions. I thought about the willingness of my psyche to go first into those places of violence and felt sadness for that condition of our being.

Wanting to clear the pallet of my mind before resting I followed that news with a few moments from our lovely friend broadcasting the beauty of living close to the earth from the northern latitudes… Art and nature and love and caretaking and generosity, these make better bedfellows I think than the chaos of the world.

Somehow I was unsurprised when I woke this morning… Violence in our streets and around the world, violent winds in the night, a heavy sleep, long and dark… A pressure sore had open on my backside, the first in many months if not years. Somehow my back had been scraped as well and there was blood on my pillow. Violence bleeding through the world, bleeding through my mind, bleeding through my body.

Low-grade bodily discomfort had persisted through the day yesterday, though not as bad as Sunday and I was able to work through it without too much detriment to my focus or creativity. So far today I feel better.

But back to the call with Annabel – seven of us had taken the organizational assessment and our new friend had compiled our replies through their system of assessing the volume of the various qualities as well as the level of coherence in agreement throughout the system.

Preparing for the call, Courtney and I had taken our morning spiced coffee and cacao to the little café table out front with the laptop to bring a little nature and fresh air into the dynamic. Today promises to be very hot; Courtney of course laughed at this as San Diego hot doesn’t quite touch the Florida temperatures to which she is accustomed.

There in the fresh air and the breeze we met the smiling face of our new friend over videoconference. I chuckled to myself, having made the nation centric assumption that we would be speaking with someone on the East Coast, when Annabel identified herself as calling from Mexico. I was also delighted by this, just the possibility that what we are doing here can have some greater exposure to a diversity of perspectives feels tremendously important to me.

I won’t try to unpack the call into much detail here as I am still basking in the reflection of the experience. Annabel took us through about a dozen pages of data graphs, reflecting back to us the various perspectives people had taken on our leadership, our process, our relationship to one another, and a handful of other threads.

Both Courtney and I were surprised at the depth of what we were able to see in the reflection and how quickly things became actionable in ways that might really improve the integrity and efficacy of what we are setting about doing here.

At the end of the call, Annabel offered, quite from the heart, to engage with us further in order to facilitate the emergence of rich questions that might empower us in new ways. There’s a tenderness in my heart that breaks open at the way so many really remarkable people are emerging to meet our little process and struggles here to find our footing and really make gift to the world.

One part of me leans on the practical side of effort and concern, risk analysis and treading lightly, while yet another seems a bit dazzled by the apparent reality of magic, grace, and divine intervention.

Whatever is true, whatever might be true, I feel increasingly like a microcosm, or perhaps some holographic reflection of our wider world in this moment we find ourselves in together, on the precipice between creation, sustainability, and dissolution…

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God gets to know things, we just get to ask questions…