Kabir Kadre
Kabir Kadre

Liminal brain between the rains…

Kabir kadre|2 years, 3 months ago

Long night, bad for sleep, good for meditation; I’ll call it a plus.

The steady rain has subsided, it seems, for most of the day today, though it visited last night and is expected again this evening. Cold and gray with damp ground has taken its place – the trees outside my window wave to say, “breezy out here, stay warm…”

The neighborhood hawks and doves, crows, hummingbirds, and other bird friends are soaring, swooping, diving, flitting, and buzzing about – I imagine recovering from the storm and preparing for the next.

Maybe that’s a good metaphor for me right now. The absolute stillness of awareness of awareness, well tended in the evenings practice acting as keel, while the relative brain function, slightly sleep deprived, and running on a small dose of coffee putters along, tackling small tasks while wary of anything more complex. Saving my calories for the afternoon push of client meetings and the related preparations.

Yesterday’s client sessions went well, leaving the participants bright-eyed and eager to explore the new empowerments we uncovered together. I never fail to be moved by the sacredness of this dialogic space and its focus on what is profound and precious in the individual – often latent qualities cultivated over a lifetime but not yet brought to bear in the conscious generosity of daily action.

This afternoon will be spent with two more “yet unmet friends” in this capacity, I trust I will enter the weekend with a sense of satisfaction for the privilege of service, in joyful anticipation of the three remaining scheduled clients next week.

The markets closed another long tail recovery today, we’ve seen a number of these recently – generally followed by more bleeding.

Anticipation continues to build around this global pandemic, as you no doubt are aware, and the general tone of ambiguity and uncertainty that has been so fresh for me now for the last four months, seems to be everywhere.

Elisa recounted to me yesterday of her student group, engaged in community service learning work in Mexico, some of them foreign students who will be returning to their college near midnight, the campus now closed, and they with orders to spend 15 minutes getting what they need and moving off campus to wherever that might be…

In some corners these complex emergent conditions are being handled with grace, in others, chaos. Many I think remain oblivious with a business as usual attitude, planning trips and parties and going about without regard for the numerous admonitions coming now through virtually every newsletter, banking relationship, political update, business partners, and lips of friends that crosses my presence.

I’m fascinated, just watching these economic social political and behavioral realities creep slowly in. Was 2008 the sneeze, and this the cold, that will forever change the behavior and identity of our modern world, or just some hick up we will weather before returning to business as usual? I’m not a particularly versed student of economic history, but it seems we’ve had a good run for about 80 or 90 years, doing particularly well since the end of World War II (of course by we I mean those among us benefiting so well from the status quo). Nothing, they say, last forever…

What’s next for our world, and what does the journey there ask of us?

Watching my remaining investment accounts plundered by these recent downturns, and I unable to respond for lack of bandwidth or intelligence or wisdom or skill or some combination of these, I remain true to the metaphor of microcosm… Both in time and scope, what is next for me, and what does the journey ask is a question I will live with vitality over about the next eight days.

In tension lie all of the usual suspects – housing, asset disposition, structural preparations (trusts, etc.), cash flow, care – the list now also includes questions of contact, exposure, health risk, contamination, and containment…

Yet again the morning have been spent, as I mentioned above, with the relative brain function not suited for such complex questions, instead simply checking boxes – three weeks worth of voicemail cleared and organized, inbox tamed, brief conversation with loving friends offering support, and perhaps the crown jewel, a few steps forward on enabling email subscriptions to this blog.

The evening also brought imagery to mind for three new digital paintings. It’s rare (every few years or so) that I am visited by these invitations and I treasure them, now in hopes to find some windows of time to get them down.

In fact perhaps, that’s where I’ll turn now…

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God gets to know things, we just get to ask questions…