Kabir Kadre
Kabir Kadre

“I will follow the way of service, until I know the way of love.”

Kabir kadre|2 years, 26 days ago

“what is the theme of the writing”, I often wonder when I sit, though without realizing it, to share words here in this space.

Certainly it is a free-form flow of thought, though occasionally I can find, as yesterday, the words wax towards more of an essay than the narrative description of the daily record. Perhaps in aggregate…?

I woke this morning, rested enough, after a late night. Courtney and I have, in our shared interest of esoteric Vedic spirituality, started watching the 5 1/2 hour Peter Brooks rendition of the Mahabharata. Last evening saw our second chapter, running almost an hour – nearly double the time of our first engagement.

Undoubtedly it was more than an hour as I kept having to pause to reflect out loud on my experience of the nature of the “spiritual” teachings being presented. When, for example, can the Earth’s wisest king refuse an invitation to gamble? Indeed, only when there is nothing left to wager, like love, holding nothing back in the game of life.

Fortunately I had taken a shower in the afternoon, the late afternoon, due to the persistent disruption of bodily discomfort expressed as autonomic dysreflexia, “a shower and a shi*” as they say in the vulgar vernacular, so we was free of too much to do once it was time to turn in. The afternoons intervention had helped and I felt much better through the evening than I had throughout the day.

After returning from my recovery, now dressed in my cozy fleece pants, soft shirt, and slippers, I settled back to my desk while Courtney began preparations on her usual special, mixed vegetables and spices in the Ayurvedic tradition for dinner. I recorded on my calendar, seven hours of disruption from discomfort in the day.

Somehow I managed to get a few things done nonetheless, in particular hitting a milestone with the garden gate project which has been inching along with Caroline and I. Now we have a gate post secured to the brick pedestal feature and can begin to measure the final details for our gate construction. Inch by inch, the building is always satisfying I find.

Today the sun is shining brightly, it’s rays penetrating with intensity, the temperature will climb to 83°, tomorrow another 10° beyond that. My heart is resting peacefully after a late morning meditation, and the warm promise of a summer day drifting lazily in through the open garage doors while sounds of breakfast emanate from the kitchen.

Support arrived at 8 AM today as it does three days a week, the marker time for when I intend to begin rising. I stirred just 80 minutes before that today, but not quite enough to situate in the mourning process. Instead I drifted lazily through meditations of emptiness practice and dream state for another hour.

I always prefer a minimum of 45 minutes of meditation practice in the morning, formal practice that is, weaving in and out of sleep with the memory and intention to meditate “off the cushion” as it were doesn’t count for this sense of intentional satisfaction.

I sat up and hit play on the next in my series of meditation instructions from Dr. Brown, “Compassion,” would be the theme of the day. The track was a nice mix of practice description, anecdotal illumination, careful instruction, and question-and-answer. Throughout, I would listen for that feeling of “mental grab.” Meditation, it seems, is a process of surrendering even surrender itself.

“Entering the Great Vehicle…” Said Dan as the recording came to an end, almost exactly 3/4 of an hour from the start. I opened my eyes and turned my gaze out the window to the hillside on the far side of our little valley end. “I am this, and that” I thought, appreciating the nature of the great vehicle even if I might not quite grasp it in the moment…

A quick text to Courtney, a cartoon reply of her emoji self being carried on the trunk of an elephant, great vehicle indeed!

I’ll take breakfast outside shortly, honoring warmth and the natural beauty of the day, honoring myself as a part of that emanation. Then I’ll return indoors and begin to focus again on perfecting the way of service.

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God gets to know things, we just get to ask questions…