Kabir Kadre
Kabir Kadre

Good problems…

|2 years, 5 months ago

I have to be careful with the Nighty night tea (with valerian) – I drank nearly a full cup last evening and then got a good nights sleep.

Seriously, it was a problem. I slept for almost 12 hours. I’m guessing it was good for me, yet at the same time, it may have been a little more than necessary.

Eventually I stirred, having slept through my meditation time, and rolled my self up to begin the day with a glass of water and a banana (I hoped.) “We have no bananas today.” Came the reply, well at least it has the ring of a cheerful song :-). (Curious in this moment for the source of that lyric, I just did a quick search and found this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PDd8shcLvHI)

Rising was quiet today, Caitlin to my aid, and I was able at least to squirrel away a few moments of capturing the meditative state while she worked. Not quickly, and not slowly, we made our way through the process and I was up and in the office by 10:15 AM.

The calendar was crowded with items when I arrived, many having been bumped from yesterday. This took a little finagling, but was worked out soon enough and I was able to knock out the handful of items that may seem less important but clog the arteries if I don’t get to them at least once a week.

From there I settled into the flow of the day, an arc across this new Moon window leading us into tomorrow and the new year of the Metal Rat if I understand correctly. The ark of today at my desk was fairly clean, and with an echo.

The morning clerical flowed into financial bookkeeping and planning, moved into conversation with a local Medi-Cal representative who helped me recognize that my place in their digital system (really our digital system) was well unsettled and required some workarounds. The woman was also able to help me inch a little closer to the connections I would need should Medi-Cal indeed play a larger role in my life in the coming months.

These clinical aspects of the bureaucracy crescendoed with a 30 minute conversation on the phone to a lawyer quite literally wrote the book on special needs trusts tell me better understand that aspect of my possible financial future. The new moon went direct just in the middle of that conversation.

On down the other side of the arc we roll… Still honoring the clerical vibe, I jumped into crafting the spreadsheet that will help Miss Cassandra and I organize our efforts around getting the car better situated in service (https://turo.com), coming back around to the other side of the business that I used to own a small piece of through a venture capital fund I managed to stumble into. Of course that’s another story. Building the spreadsheet went well and in the midst of it I received a call from a sick friend.

For those of you following, Greg is recovering today, not completely well but out of the woods perhaps. That was not the sick friend that was calling. Instead my other friend, sent to bed by the cold was pulling himself just enough together to follow up on setting a meeting we had planned for next week. An introduction he’s making in support of an ongoing dialogue about how I might find avenues of service through public speaking.

He will be introducing me to an interesting fellow who is all about “Purpose,” connection, and orienting ourselves to a life that can more fully live us. I think it will be a very rich conversation and am excited to discover what we might be making on the other side.

That was a very encouraging call, and chipped away a bit at the morning theme of bureaucracy and numbers, lending a hint of the softer side of life into the ark of the day. Somewhere earlier still in the day, an echo of things to come, another friend shot through a text message,

“Kabir are you free to talk around 4:30 or later?

I have an idea to share. ??”

This mix of purpose, connection, and something living through the parts of ourselves that we leave open and receptive, would reverberate further through the day.

As it turns out, the “idea” was more of a scheme to get me enrolled in a contract employment engagement. Hard numbers, contracts and business, but oriented around a living story and purpose. I am to bring guidance for accessibility for a public facing product, but also to play the role of “Beauty Maven,” a title I coined a year or two ago, but hadn’t much considered since.

As I began this recent arc from the solstice (different than the days arc, which we will come back to), there has been an ongoing question of the organization of finance, social services support for care, and income. In our system, these things don’t dance together very gracefully just yet.

Recently I’ve begun to think of myself as a microcosm for the human situation. A little overextended, generally well-meaning, crippled in some really important ways, with tremendous possibility, just on the other side of some very complex challenges; I think this just about well describes me and us in our current situations.

I’m grateful for this opportunity to meet the good problem of income which can threaten to upset the possibility of the care required to rise to the occasion of the ask. A complex challenge, though I suspect others have met it as well, and I am optimistic for what it might have to teach.

So from the morning of clerical bureaucracy, and the complex and sometimes paradoxical challenges presented, through the mundane churning of numbers to resolve back to an even state, glimmers of high aspiration, and back again to the simple basics of “chop wood, carry water, build fire.”

Life is full of problems, how we look at them is our choice. I’m planning to get back on my meditation routine in the morning. As a microcosm of this oceanic cosmos swirling and soaking, bursting and exploding, I find it indispensable to step through that maelstrom of the mind and out the other side.

On those calm shores, how we look at life, its many nuances, and its “problems” starts to ebb a little from the quality of choice, to that of gift.

So thank you dear reader, and particularly also you readers (if you may be) mentioned here will play some roles of reflecting generously myself back to me.

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God gets to know things, we just get to ask questions…