Kabir Kadre
Kabir Kadre

From anthem to stillness…

Kabir kadre|2 years, 3 months ago

Anthem music plays in the background, the evenings golden light streaming in the window and across the sky illuminates the ribbon of a jet trail streaking overhead. It is nearly 7 PM and I have much work left to do this day.

The vision of AutoBioMedia that has taken root in these written pages, has begun to sprout into the field of Facebook, and the idea of live streaming there. I want to keep the momentum going and will, this evening be doing a brief event just to reflect on the experience of being a quadriplegic in the time of coronavirus.

Sleep was better last evening, though not by much, and I struggled to rise this morning, the tenderness of yesterday persisting through. It had been days since the sunlight had touched my skin, and when I rose today, the sun was shining brightly through blue skies and cold spring air.

I drove myself directly from toothbrush to front yard and sat for a while breathing deep. It’s been long enough I’ve been inside that the landscape plants, planted young some months ago and nourished by the recent rains, appeared appreciably more full and robust than I remembered.

The warm bright light felt like divinity gracing my face and the natural gratitude of nature began to refill my spirits and body with its bounty.

My sweet sister Ahlea invited me and our friend Lisa to join her this morning to meet her online cohort of well-being seekers and bear witness to her beautiful process of leadership in this moment of confusion. I found the engagement quite special, there were about 18 women from various places on the globe who had been obviously traveling together through this learning journey for some time, and I was clearly a guest in their cohort.

The sentiments ranged from various expressions of lighthearted prayer through more focused concern for the healthcare workers of the world, but the one that really touched me was a woman whose sister is a grocery clerk. The felt sense of sadness, even anger, at the exposure and tension she was going through cracked my already broken heart just one notch further.

Ahlea’s work is filled with rich history and far-reaching wisdom from plant medicine to science to yoga and into the living moment of each of her participants. I found it quite a joy to watch her work, even if it went an hour longer than I had anticipated. 😉

Feeling the day ticking by I turned my attention to some version of a lunch – my appetite is diminished with the persistence of antibiotics continuing through today and one more. Plain fried egg on toast after the leftover of the morning smoothie failed to land well.

The rest of the afternoon was focused on bringing the crowdfunding campaign I have been rumoring about to launch. The stumbling block has been the opening video. There is so much I have to say, so much to express, and so much to refine to make a clear statement of the intention and I’ve been going over scripts and rewriting them, creating new synopsis and outlines and drafting takes of the video for days.

Today I finally surrendered to those countless conditions and decided simply to speak straight from the heart in hopes that that, in combination with the other work I’ve done on the campaign might tell enough of the message to bring the coherent vision together. I’ve started sending out notice and invitations to the campaign, so we’ll see now whether that was accomplished or not.

In the midst of the process I got a FaceTime call from my dear brother David in Virginia, on lockdown in a small riverside neighborhood of octogenarians. David is one of my dearest friends and while our hearts sing together eternally along one thread, we don’t often enjoy the time to simply sit and talk together. We spent about an hour today catching up, reflecting on the state of the world and ourselves within it, but I was distracted and unsettled.

With some practice of stillness and breathing I was able to ground myself, but it certainly revealed a greater granularity of sense around the quickening waters flowing through the veins of my experience.

As I said I’ve sent out a handful of requests for support this evening and will send out a few more, though perhaps not until morning. Next is Facebook live, then dinner, and bed.

Tonight is Caroline and I together for our first solo flight in the dance of care. She is a wonderful spirit and there is a delicious harmony between us, I trust we will see smooth sailing as our journey together begins.


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