Kabir Kadre
Kabir Kadre
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Following the thread of balance…

Kabir kadre|7 months, 8 days ago

The federal government is talking about sending everyone a check for $1000 a month, and no one I know is talking much about it. “Free money.” Can’t even grab the headlines from this incredible transformative force currently sweeping the globe.

I slept a little better last night and woke feeling not as poorly as the morning before.

Tomorrow evening is the equinox and I’m just noticing in this moment that the sun currently dropping over the western horizon has managed to creep north these past weeks without my noticing. Gold and glimmering over the long stretch of Mission Valley, it currently bathes this room in its evening glow. It really is kind of breathtaking.

So I slept a lot better last night, and woke to continue the stretch of antibiotics I started yesterday suspecting, even hoping for, a minor UTI of the source of my discomfort.

I started the day with half an avocado with lemon juice and salt just to get a little something in the stomach before dropping in the Cipro. I might have to make a habit of that, it’s kind of an exceptional morning munchy and as it takes me an hour to get out of bed (or 90 minutes), giving those fats a chance to kickstart the brain could be just the thing.

The absence of the damp sticky feeling as I woke this morning lands a bean in the category of “beating a UTI.” However the surges of discomfort have not been entirely absent throughout the day which leaves me to wonder, maybe it’s working but slowly. Hopefully it’s not something else, hence the hoping.

Flowing into the house and work by 9 AM this morning gave the day a positive spin and I spent a spacious hour just knocking out little tasks and clearing in boxes before my call with Daniel at 10.

Daniel is a dear friend of many years and has been helping me tweak and polish my website. Today our call was focused on finishing the installation of a newsletter sign-up on my website and creating the “discuss on Twitter” option that you’ll see at the bottom of this post provided you’re reading it online. I do hope that at some point an audience of these words will find some inquiry worth reflecting on together and with a little luck this plug-in will open that conversation.

This was an important step in preparing for the launch of the crowdfunding effort which is taking some work and now it’s more likely to launch this weekend than this week, though I still do hold a prayer it might be sooner.

After that I turned to phone calls with the prospective new care partners which seems to have gone well as we now have two firm yeses and one is even in fact within earshot, just chatting with Cassandra in the next room as we bring Caroline up to speed on the various flows and processes here.

The middle of the day was spent on script development and campaign description for the much rumored campaign process. This week, approaching tomorrow’s seasonal marker, has brought with it a certain quality of ease in some aspects – interesting and engaging new care partners, excellent engagement with clients, a sense of optimism around community support, and some technical learning to prepare the subscriber ability of this blog. At the same time, as if to hearken balance, this mystery malaise in the body, the persistence of the termite issue (now waiting for our third estimate), and reports that a close friend is currently in quarantine on suspicion of “the virus.”

Yesterday’s interview of the possible new collaborator went well, and just as I hit publish on yesterday’s journal entry, our first wild success, Caroline called in with concerns of a possible virus exposure. The morning’s levity around care was left by the end of the day in a sense of suspended animation.

After some research on the facts we decided we are in the clear and have moved forward, hence this evening’s training exercise.

I’m really a bit taken with having found so quickly such apparent competence in skill and at the same time such a stark synergy of culture and worldview as appears to be the case with both new partners, each in a unique yet substantial way.

“Yes, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for you are with me; your rod and your staff they comfort me.”

Somehow I keep coming back to these mythical metaphors. I am waking with less stress in the night. My efforts in the day are less hurried and less fearful. Nothing more has resolved, and the world has gone further into uncertainty and instability, and yet I feel as though carried on a prayer, which is quite literally all I seem to have left stand on.

A prayer, and of course numerous friends, and loving family, and rich community.

… The sun is down, the light in the sky fading, a soft grey yellow fades to a deeper blue over the silhouetted hillside. The autonomic dysreflexia rises again suddenly in this moment, just another wave in the day’s discomfort.

Now dinner, decompress, bed.

Favorite quote from Facebook today:

“If you don’t learn to enjoy the snow, you’ll have less joy in your life, and the same amount of snow.”


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God gets to know things, we just get to ask questions…