Kabir Kadre
Kabir Kadre

Facing pain…

Kabir Kadre|1 year, 11 months ago

I’ve been scolded now for wandering these words too far into the metaphysical and theoretical weeds and away from the course of simply telling it as it is.

Of course it was probably more of a loving chiding that Charles was giving, but then I am prone to teasing playfully those gestures of care that we make to one another, Charles and I, and others…

It’s another hot July day and I find myself writing now under the noon sun, doors wide throughout the house and the pleasant 82° breezing through.

Yesterday’s efforts were largely devoted to correspondence and enrollment along the theme of MettaCare and sharing the invitational dialogue and campaign to a wider audience. This was a great and fulfilling work of the heart, inviting connections from distant threads.

A dear old friend from grade school, Joe, reached out, reflecting some words that I had written and offering some sweet poetry of his own that drew me to tears.

Another, more recent friend recounted to me on hearing my share that yesterday was the birthday of our beloved Dalai Lama, that the day was also the birthday of her grandchildren’s mother, a woman who passed away not long ago after a long and trying illness that both broke and built the hearts of her family.

Treasures of love and friendship, care and loss… The Dalai Lama, a gift of compassion to the world, and the representation of another tragic loss of cultural integrity as the evolution of our species and this planet whirls onward, perhaps with increasing awareness. ??

The end of the day was work minding finance, systems for now intact, and yet I’m struck in this moment how after seven months of ongoing economic uncertainty both in terms of income and ability to share, I seem to be somehow apart from the once familiar deep sense of anxiety.

In its place I feel a sense of surrender. What there is to be done, can be done, and what I may do, I can do, the rest, as they say, Inshallah.

Yesterday it seems that God willed that I should see Faith to get me to bed, and the lovely friend stepped across the threshold just a little while after the 7 o’clock hour, a couple of preteen girls in tow, all fresh from the beach and sun.

At 13 years each, the girls were quite sure of their own agenda living Faith and I to wind things down and get them out the door to a late pizza dinner and sleepover. This all went smoothly and they were on their way just after 9 PM, lights mostly out in the house… For some reason my computer continued to glow through the evening, perhaps some hiccup in the operating system just installed.

As the light faded in the day, after Gilberto from the agency had left, and before the ladies had arrived, I enjoyed a few more moments conversation with Charles, recounting with realized delight that the morning today would bring me Faith and Patience, the two new loving breeze under my wings.

It was so. After for some reason not drifting to sleep before midnight, and having stirred somewhat through my rest, the doorlock buzzed just before 7 AM and the two ladies came through the door, Faith to continue the education of Patience on the means and processes of my care.

I stirred, sitting up, eyes still closed, greeting them as they came into the room. A moment later I agreed with the suggestion on hand that I may in fact still be sleeping.

I lay back down and the ladies retired to the living spaces as I began what would be a brief investigation of the state of my slumber or wakefulness. 10 minutes later, it was clear, awake.

Both of these friends, one old, one new, are well accomplished masseuse and this went very well to my benefit this morning as the range of motion traditionally applied to my legs to return bigger and energy after the stillness of the night, ran into my rib cage, shoulders, neck, and arms in a loving encouragement of blood flow and limbering.

As I rose, another sweet friend called, she and I have been playing some phone tag for a while now. 78 years of age, this remarkable healer, artist, writer, businesswoman has been so successful in so many ways, a mirror soul to my own, aged and yet a child in curiosity and vitality, and today the words fell from her lips I found at first surprising.

She and I have been friends now for just about one decade, having met in an interest group surrounding evolution, meditation, wellness and culture that met at my dining room table for about three or four years.

“Self-hatred.” She said today.

I am grateful for friends like this. People who stand and face the deepest pains, feel themselves torn asunder, broken and powerless, lose their sight and their way, and yet remain open and vulnerable and in that sense free to be reshaped, born again, to become by the teaching, more than they once were before.

Rolling out of my bedroom, calling her back, I made my way to the front porch, the cool morning air, and sunlight, and green hillside with butterflies and birds and bunny rabbits and gentle breeze.

I listened, she shared, I listened. Both of us enjoying spaciousness of friendship and the beauty of connection. I reflected for her, how it is in my view, the nature of our species to meet this threshold of self-loathing at this stage in our evolutionary journey. It seems to me, I shared, that the work she was doing to meet that deeper layer of herself, to be shaped and molded by it, and to grow through and from it a new is the work, not for a lifetime, but for life itself.

This seemed to resonate. We shared no tears today, only matter-of-fact, a little laughter, a little curiosity, a little awe. After a pleasant morning hour, both of us smiling, we went on our way into the day, she to her loving friend, I to Faith and Patience and work.

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God gets to know things, we just get to ask questions…