Kabir Kadre
Kabir Kadre
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Earthworm and Phoenix…

Kabir Kadre|14 days ago

Earthworm, Phoenix, Kabir in the middle.

My head really is spinning today. I woke somewhere in the middle of night, then rested again, then woke, then rested… Somewhere in there I managed some meditation, and later, dreams of anger.

I believe I read recently that different dreams surface at different times of the night. The early morning seems to be the place for wrathful dreams. Whatever it was this morning that I cannot remember now, certainly fit that bill.

The morning would go long, nurse Heather would be arriving as first agent on the scene to help me rise near 10 AM. Sometime after 8 AM, my efforts to rest resolved and I sat up. I was pleased to find there was plenty of email, simple clerical tasks, correspondence, and conversations to take up the window, leaving me with a feeling of productivity rather than lateness to the party.

An old friend stopped by, one I have not seen for something near a decade I think. Not unlike myself and so many others, her life has been in some turmoil of late and it just might be useful for her to stay down the hall for a while. In the midst of so much “tenderizing” that I have been feeling lately, it was a good feeling to have an opportunity to be of service to another.

All of that before 10 AM, then Heather, making a special call to ensure my rising and health. We stepped nimbly through the program together. Not long after her arrival, the front door opened and closed again. No one was expected. David, like a wizard, had come unannounced to prepare nourishing food for the care partners traversing the space in this unsettled window.

Right on time with the hour she had, Heather and I finished up and rolled out into the house. With a kind word, she was away, not sure when we will see one another again, perhaps next week.

David was occupied in the kitchen and I made myself busy in the office. After a while he offered some breakfast which I was happy to accept. Leftover burrito from yesterday, slow heated in the toaster oven, rich and warm all the way through.

The morning had started with an invitation from a possible buyer for the car, so first order of business was moving that forward. Additionally, there were follow-up requests from the potential landlord of what I hope will be our new digs.

Somewhere just after noon, a text from Razor came through, after considering her week of training with us, she would not be in for her final tutelage and would not be returning, “I don’t feel qualified enough…” came the words. My subsequent invitation for further discussion went unanswered.

This tumbled me a little. My keel has been so even over the last month, but this left me feeling for a time a little weak in the knees.

Fortunately I had my practice and could remember, this too shall pass. Add to the list of to do items today, search a little harder for new care partners. The search was already there to be done, now just a little more.

Eliana stopped by just to say hello, it’s been a while and seeing her was a lovely break in the day. I think David had reminded me earlier in the morning of the anniversary of the day and I was by now in the afternoon, more mindful to simply let come what was flowing in.

Eliana reminded me of a possible caregiver she knew. I called later, Esperanza will be stopping by on Monday for an interview.

Elisa came by, just to offer some love to the journey. David had by then nearly completed an aromatic and nutritious masterpiece and politely stepped out.

Nova stopped back by, learning of my need for care, to offer her support for me. We are old friends and have an energy of “get it done” that matches one another quite nicely. She jumped in quickly to learning what would be helpful for her to know. Our conversation was interrupted by a call from the gentleman from social services.

I turned my attention to learn that I had undergone the process of applying for aid in an appropriate order and would need to start over as my application would be currently declined and continuing on that path would create unnecessary and nonfunctional clerical hurdles. Okay, reset, good to know.

I went looking for Nova and Vanessa. To my delight and Vanessa’s surprise, Nova had insisted on running Vanessa’s body through some of the things she would be required to do with mine should she step into care. I found them in my room, Nova just finishing range of motion on Vanessa on my bed.

Between the two of them most of the immediate breakdown from Razor’s departure has been salvaged. Nova should be back any minute to learn my evening routine with us tonight.

In the midst of the storm I turned my attention to the class offering for my friend John, a master class in Integral Polarity Practice that he had invited me to, taking place over the course of weeks through the end of the year and a little beyond.

A very welcome and meditative hour in an otherwise turbulent day.

After this I responded to a few communiqué that had come through in the hour and then the two ladies and I squared care through the weekend, save a stint on Sunday morning which I hope will be covered easily enough.

I turned my attention to the days Journal. I asked Vanessa if she would put together a pizza for dinner. The phone rang, Charles… And then Elisa. Which reminds me, calls from Karilen, Ira, and Katie all came through today as well, though I can’t imagine how they got through looking back over the log for the day with nearly 20 calls coming and going with various providers, institutions, and God knows at this moment whatever else.

Charles and Elisa and I raucoused it up for about an hour, a little longer, and I turned my attention back to this page, winding the day towards its end. Stephanie will be back tomorrow, the first time I’ll see her in over a month it seems.

Earthworm and Phoenix, Kabir in the middle.

The earthworm, an instantaneous threshold of the felt sense of its environment and its natural instinct/intuitive movement.

The Phoenix, existence and nonexistence oscillating in eternity, environment and instinct empty of any relevance.

Kabir in the middle…


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