Kabir Kadre
Kabir Kadre
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Don’t go back to sleep.

Kabir kadre|3 months, 8 days ago

The news said earlier, a day or two ago, that this would be a hard week in America’s journey through this pandemic. 10 minutes ago Caroline and I and Courtney received notice that a colleague of Caroline’s has died from the virus.

The woman’s father and husband are currently intubated in the ICU. There is a fundraising campaign for the grandmother who now stands likely to raise the four children.

The woman’s name remains unknown to me, but we experienced a moment of tears and silence on receiving the news.

It’s raining outside, the wind chimes dancing in the breeze. Still daylight, but just the slightest hint of evening shade beneath the pure white skies…

30 minutes ago I took another run at sharing through the format of live streaming video online. The topic following on conversation earlier today with Lisa, and the poem from Rumi…

“The breezes at dawn have secrets to tell you
Don’t go back to sleep!
You must ask for what you really want.
Don’t go back to sleep!
People are going back and forth
across the doorsill where the two worlds touch,
The door is round and open
Don’t go back to sleep!”

We certainly have a lot to be awake to today.

Last night as Caroline and I endured a marathon bowel program that left both of us spent and exhausted, we treated ourselves also to the podcast interview on the Mindfulness Mode of Dr. Dan Brown whom I’ve mentioned here on numerous occasions. The subject was of course “Awakening.” It seems an apropos thread to be carrying through this window of time when all of our systems are laid so bear before us.

It’s worth a listen, good information on what and why of awakening…

Last night as I approached the kitchen just before 7 PM, I thought to myself “excellent, Caroline is tired, on the end of many long efforts, we should get to bed early today and care for her rest.”

We fudged a little time over dinner, but not too much, and then my body decided to release ALL of the stool. 45 minutes later we had eaten nearly all of our lead. The process and the podcast ended together. But…

As my body tried to relax after the strain on the autonomic nervous system from moving so much matter, a new wave of discomfort crept up. Now it seemed my body was really to give up ALL of the urine. More distress and strain and discomfort, and time. 10 PM came and went, so much for an early night.

Fortunately, the body began to relax, not all way, but enough to call it a night.

Caroline of course handled it all with grace and departed with just enough twinkle in her eyes to convince us both that she would make the long drive home into the mountains safely.

I was asleep, I think before she left the curb.

Sleep was broken, but not lost entirely. Morning came and I stirred to my alarm only briefly.

8:30 AM said the clock as the phone rang. In my groggy state I recognized the number – James, the termite remediation specialist (and salesperson) calling to run over the final details of the contract and schedule a time to visit and discuss the disruption to the stonework outside.

“Oh yes, it’s Monday.”

Time to rise.

Today consisted mostly of mundane affairs, client billing, vendor relations, scheduling a meeting with the new community of care partners. There were also a few twinkling tidbits sprinkled in; an email with a book publishing specialist, thank you letters to new campaign contributors, posting an exceptional letter from David to social media and other channels, and scheduling a few promising dialogues with kindred spirits…

Much of the day was spent in caretaking and generative dialogue. Phone calls, videoconference, sitting in conversation and reverence with the ladies here. Over 1300 deaths in the US alone over the last 24 hours. 5000 globally.

It’s strange to look at my own situation of need and lingering financial crisis in the context of so much broken heartedness, confusion, and fear. Yet that is where my attentions must range. This week I will begin focusing on completing the work of February to define the MettaCare project and begin to search for possible support for its implementation.

In parallel I will begin investigating the possibility of publishing a book, and I will stay very close to the questions and conversations of where do we go from here, in a collective sense.

This is a crisis, we are uprooted. As we approached this threshold, the world burned, ideologies clashed, borders tightened, populations continue to find displacement, economies of the rich ran away from the rest of us, hope dwindled in the eyes of countless young.

We have taken a moment to pause. Perhaps better said, we have been forced to pause. Let us call this a stirring, from our somnambulations, let’s not go back to sleep. But how?

I hope you will ask this question of yourself, of your friends and family, of me, of others. But how?

Let’s do that for the doctors and nurses and grocers and thousands dead. Let’s do that for ourselves and for our children. Let’s do that for the slightly cleaner skies, for our grandchildren who will look up through them, and for our future.


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God gets to know things, we just get to ask questions…