It’s been a serious road through information thickets, bureaucratic bonds, optimistic illusions, and persistent diligence. We are road weary, but determined. In this case, the “we” that I refer to indicates directly myself and those immediate companions who have been carrying my body, quite literally, from the bed to the chair, to the car, points in between, and back again.
I won’t attempt to speak specifically to the experience, or journey of those dear companions; except just to say the continued admiration I have for their balancing act between personal clarity and conditional ambiguity. Whether it is Caitlin’s unwavering march towards a full expression of her vision of health and well-being in action to service; Cassandra’s unblinking certainty that we will make a MettaCare offering, while simultaneously continuing the development of her care for the caregivers; or Greg dancing with the moving target of an accessible and well-timed opportunity to apply his internship towards his advanced psychotherapeutic degrees, while attempting to stretch his availability here, all of these dear companions have been exercising a real intensity in their bones, that I won’t easily forget.
In the last week or so the tone of the journey has shifted for me. A number of gainful employment engagements have matured and I am now devoting those available hours to doing rewarding and enjoyable work that brings with it the novelty of a reciprocitive element that has been lacking now for so many years. In addition to that, I’ve managed to have a number of fruitful conversations with attorneys resulting in a clarity that many of the seemingly potential social services options are for me, off the table for the time being.
Of the various streams of my effort, a number have shifted from adolescence into young adulthood.
AutoBioMedia (this blog and more) has begun to ripen into a Patreon account where I will be hosting an initiative that has been cooking me for three decades now, Life as Art, and regardless of what comes next in other dimensions I am enthusiastic and excited to bring that initiative to the next level.
MettaCare has attracted an incredible cadre of thought, heart, and vision partners and in the last 48 hours has produced three distinct statements of clarity from different quarters. All of these are beginning to synergize and catalyze incredible commitment, not just in myself, but in others and it becomes hard to imagine this not succeeding. This territory seems currently the most energized, while not eclipsing others in my mandala, it does have the most reciprocitive engagement in the moment.
After the renaissance of AutoBioMedia just the other day as a revelation of Life as Art returning from a long winter’s rest, I also have new clarity around a generative offering based in the sphere of Public Speaking.
In terms of surging momentum, Wisdom Council is also showing signs of longing to run with new legs. In that territory I am officially and formally as busy as I could want, for the time being at least.
With that, the aspects of generosity in my life seem to be online like never before. Not only am I now, as I have been before, fully engaged in generating value in an outward direction, but I am now also more fully situated in a sense of receiving the generosity and flow from others.
Even the elements of Wealth of Being, World Peace Initiative, and movements towards an autobiography all have elements of ember and little crackles of life.
While some aspects of the future seem to be coming into focus, there is still clear ambiguity as to whether the flow of energy into my field will rise to the occasion of holding my ground and building from here, or if some retreat may still remain necessary. As I said before, the team around me, those dear souls doing the daily lifting of my flesh and bone, have still not been rewarded for their efforts with certainty around my ability to continue to benefit from their services, even now past the end of February.
Only one question remains regarding possible benefit of social services and within the next 48 hours I hope to have spoken with the attorney who can clarify for me whether or not there is some assistance available to help pay for caregiving that might keep me in my home or broaden the scope of alternative housing available. That aside, I will need a sudden and substantial meeting of energy for the projects we have present to continue unbroken on this path.
Absent that realization, I will need to find my way either to a Board & Care, or possibly even a Skilled Nursing Facility and my focus will have to shift to the sale of the house, and disposition of other assets. Undoubtedly, from that state I will continue to work and develop energy along the streams that I can, but for a period of time I will be deeper into the trenches of managing the mundane than striving the trails of creative and entrepreneurial endeavor.
While I do not relish the latter option, this at least feels more grounded today in a clear seeing having cut through so many questions, so many telephone calls, time on hold, so many false starts and dead ends. From here at least, the work seems as though it will continue to present itself, and regardless of the direction the road takes, I am more confident now for the efforts extended, of the strength of my legs beneath me.
Tomorrow I will have lunch with other dear friends, currently undergoing their own tremendous trials and tribulations as they navigate their own wilderness of her onset debilitation of brain function. An eloquent, insightful, in fact truly brilliant woman whose efforts have and had promised to continue aiding so many others, falls silent now; still a radiant heart, but no longer the partner in dialogue and vision her husband had come to know and love so dearly.
For now at least it seems that they will offer from that ground a story of truly broken hearts. Broken hearts broken open, releasing the unmistakable floral scent of divine grace that gives us that fleeting chance to love in the very first place at all.
Friday I look forward to meeting a new friend, also in the field of care, to explore and share what intersection of our interests and efforts may bear fruit together.
Consolidation, ambiguity, clarity, heartbreak, novelty, commitment… In grace we live, in prayer we walk. Life truly is a work of art.
God gets to know things, we just get to ask questions…