Kabir Kadre
Kabir Kadre

Christmas Eve, 2021

|6 months, 8 days ago

These words are almost whispers. Some gentle movement, not a clear expression of vision, more akin to a raw creative eruption…

Not the full mountain revealing its guts, just a splash of glowing rock bubbling over the ridge line of self.

I thought earlier today that I had something to write, and maybe still I do. Whatever that was my come through this evening, though I would be surprised if it doesn’t wait, digesting, churning, dissolving to be something else…

I chuckled as my meditation this evening was interrupted by the thought that I didn’t seem to be getting much done in the last few days. That was funny to me in contrast to the idea that it is Christmas Eve. What now needs to be done?

The rain was steady and heavy as I dozed off last evening. The air was more still as I stirred this morning. At first the sound of Terra coming through the gate echoed deep behind my soundly closed eyes, moments later the back door lock beeping pushed its way a little further towards the surface.

I chose to rest longer, eyes still closed, waking slowly over the next 30 minutes before stirring to meet the morning downfall. The rain here in San Diego is often fickle, “turtle spit,” Ricardo called it last night.

Rising was long, taking advantage of the holiday atmosphere to be a bit lazy about making it to the office, opting instead for a little extra attendings of the body along the way.

Resting on my side – allowing gravity to pull a bit differently for a spell, I listened to episode 1 of the new Custodians podcast.

The conversation was one of exploration outside the bounds of conventional modern thinking – “how indigenous thinking can save the world,” while the title of the episode, a bit of a misnomer yet standing as a signpost for the direction the dialogue would take.

Is very much the conversation I live in my own mind. What do we let go, what do we let come, and how do we stand in custodial service to the process on the path to a better world?

Then shower. Times are a bit lean in terms of caregiving and bandwidth so this was the first in a week and as such an occasion for much gratitude and appreciation. Clean, warm, and relaxed in just that way that flowing water allows, I returned to the rising process.

Ms. Terra spent a little time massaging my hands to push back against contracting tendons made tighter still by the cold weather, then dressing, and up for the day spot on the nose of noon.

It’s dark now, nearing 7 PM. Gary is on fire to make some NFTs, we set a date for next week. Neighbor Sara dropped by with some holiday jams and well wishing. David and I discussed the crypto markets. Elisa and I spent a couple of hours processing the overwhelm and heartbreak that is Covid 19. I put a few efforts into organizing my care for the weekend…

No major projects engaged, no milestones reached.

Oh yes, it’s a holiday… 😉

I haven’t even mentioned our new friend who sets the bar for quality trauma. Think, violent abuse, isolation, hard lessons, and tragic loss and you are in the ballpark. I would say more, but let it be enough that the darkness this evening, the heavy winter quiet is matched only by the heart of the spirit shining through those incredible challenges.

Life is amazing. Life is art.

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God gets to know things, we just get to ask questions…