This time in my life, this narrow channel leading from one long moment into the next unknown, continues to reflect back to me, a powerful sense – not of loneliness; not of being alone; – but of solitary pointedness. While we each walk alone through our lives, we may have the experience of being surrounded by, supported by, or connected to others. That sense of relationship is not lost to me today in this channel, yet there is something to the solitude.
So many aspects, so many practical variables, each one a distinct and seemingly important thread that I must pass through my own being, identify with as much light and wisdom as I may, praying that grace will do the rest, but grace is beyond my asking. Absent that arrogance or humility, I must chew these threads, these fibers, each and all until they break into the reality of the coming moment. Left unbroken, they would bind and consume me. This is my task today.
My friend Dave asks today, “what is this fresh threshold you’re standing before… Readying yourself to pass through?” What is this threshold between the mundane (but oh so special) life of the past, and the sacred future, yet unwritten?
I have sailed forward for many years with a sense of momentum and the linear commitment made up of ideas, values, principles, integrity, frailty, and confusion. I feel today as though I have been crashing now on the wall of natural balance. Some gravity, some strange attractor, or contradictory force arises now, inviting me to learn to dance in a new reciprocity with the world.
What is pushing up and through me is the very world itself, whether it is being born or dying here remains to be written, but it is undoubtedly a reciprocity; self, other, other, self, some new oneness yearning to be born. What decides this birth is grace. Grace, grace, and my own willingness to keep chewing through whatever that is within me that has expanded to its capacity and needs a new and wider world to continue to thrive.
I must chew through this old self, that something new might emerge, something more capable, more indigenous to this moment, more free to the dance that is offered now.
God gets to know things, we just get to ask questions…