Kabir Kadre
Kabir Kadre

Building the compass…

Kabir kadre|2 years, 2 months ago

I almost decided around 6 AM this morning to cancel my 10 o’clock call with Kata in Slovakia.

I ordered the bed “hi sleep number, wash tea leaves” (programmers want me to say watch TV, but I find that so distasteful…) In response, the head of the bed lifts bringing me to an upright position and the foot of the bed adjusts the knees upward.

I tapped my phone, bringing it to life, and navigated to the email. “Rain check,” I entered in the subject line and selected the email address.

It’s been a few years since we connected and our friendship is a place of such sweet and tender care, I just couldn’t go through with the cancel, telling myself – better to do this last minute if need be.

“Hi sleep number, go to sleep.” The motors whirred and the bed slowly returned my body to the prone position.

I wasn’t then, and am still not sure how much I slept last night. I’m fairly confident I saw the clock at least once during most of the hours and suspect that the hours I missed were simply due to my refusal to look. I did sleep, but for some reason kept waking.

Now just after six in the evening, I’m feeling a little soft in the head reminiscent of a lack of sleep.

As it turned out, I nudged myself to sleep in a little, gaining probably 30 minutes on the morning. Britni popped back shortly after my morning text message and the day began.

The brightly colored oriole is flitting about outside in the evening sunlight, and the baby hummingbird and mother have been zipping about from the nest, perhaps abandoning it for the season.

No pastel clouds this evening, only bright blue sky as it has been most of the day. I made a point of getting out into it not just once or twice as has been my habit, but multiple times today I found something to do. Whether it was my video call with Kata, pancake lunch with Britni, or an afternoon call with Katie to get some counsel on reinvigorating the fundraising campaign, each time I dwelt as long as I could in the penetrating rays.

I’ll probably need aloe on my neck this evening. It was worth it. 🙂

Kata is a yoga teacher, and shared with me today the story of a beautiful business she’s started in her local community – a coffeehouse and children’s book café with room for yoga workshops and seminars. As beautiful as that is, and it is!, the story was one of tragedy – a business partnership gone bad, taking with it a friendship of 30 years, still unsettled and contentious now in the time of Corona.

A kind of earth shattering trauma had unfolded for her over time, really coming to a head at the end of last year. The flavor of beauty and slow decay into upheaval is not one unfamiliar my own story in a similar frame of time. Another friend whom I mentioned in these pages recently experienced in a similar trajectory of time, the slow faltering and death of her husband of 53 years, and onset of a concerning surgery for herself to follow – more acute trauma of meaningful intensity.

There are other stories I could recount of the latter half of last year and the first quarter of this, stories from others of similar nature. Powerful movements of energy leaving us reeling and overwhelmed. As if some of us have the privilege of undergoing a pregame warm-up for the experience we are now sharing as a global people.

Just noticing. The question is popping up with greater frequency… “Where to from here?”

Coming in warm from the sharing, the sun, and the love between us, I finished the mundane tasks work of the morning and shifted to one of the two main projects I had hoped to address today – Purpose.

I’ve asked Dr. Brown’s permission to share his paper on Guiding Purpose which I’ve been referencing lately, and will do so should I receive his blessing. For now I must be content simply telling about its existence.

The Hummingbird just returned to the nest so it seems I was premature in my declarations of departure. Glad to see, such a marvelous little creature. 🙂

I had blocked off about three hours today for the exercise of going through the steps, methodically laid out and based on clinically researched observations, to assess my life through a lens that might reveal some clear statement of purpose.

In the time of “what next” it seemed an appropriate endeavor.

I made it about halfway through the project and will return to it in the morning. I’m encouraging each of the care partners here to undergo the same exercise in hopes that it will energize and empower the integrity of our collective efforts. For myself, I’m optimistic that it will provide a framework more cohesively thread together the various streams of my own attention and work.

We shall see…

I remain acutely aware that cohesion or no cohesion, I’ve yet to establish a secure foundation for my own basics of living and care support requirements. I feel somewhat less alone however – here in the time of Corona, I think we are all operating on a little bit of faith…

The last formal engagement of the day was a conversation with another dear friend, Dan, to explore the construct of “Leverage Points” as a potentially useful way of appreciating the way the whole world seems to be up on an edge. The question that’s burning me has to do with how to take vision and inspiration and clarity and move it into generous and impactful action.

I’m wondering about weaving these threads together on the loom of purpose as a way to realize the bolt of action…

Tomorrow I will return to Purpose, tomorrow I will return to MettaCare, tomorrow I will return – God willing – to fundraising fuel the hands of the weaver…

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Thank you again Tyler for your constant encouragement and reminder to post links and invitations to readers here to consider supporting my fundraising efforts!

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God gets to know things, we just get to ask questions…