Kabir Kadre
Kabir Kadre
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Autumn day

Kabir Kadre|1 month, 11 days ago

“Dog caviar,” David insisted I should begin today’s missive with these words. A new scent he is getting used to in his new digs as a roommate to a very well spoiled Italian truffle dog.

Elisa calls it “the most expensive dog food on the planet,” referring of course to the fare professionally prescribed for the pup of the property.

Just off the phone now with the folks over there at the Patio of Peace, where the atmosphere is very warm indeed. Mr. David in his sweet spot making dinner for lovely souls.

Over here this early evening, perhaps in contrast, not a bustling kitchen, but rather a dark house, doors open, cool air blowing through. The grey skies and autumn air have me in my cozy sweater for the first time in the season. Ms. Patience is just out front putting the finishing touches on her efforts today on the patio fence project.

Not long ago we spent about 45 minutes combing the garage (and house) for the circular saw blade we purchased some weeks ago. Our efforts were unsuccessful and we’ve settled on the more plausible scenarios that we were either suffering a group hallucinations, or in a parallel universe when we did the shopping and bringing home of said blade.

Young Stephanie was absent this morning as her diehard work ethic finally managed to catch up to her. She manages this job, one other – much more hectic – and a leadership role in multiple threads of her family life. All that of course on top of being an inspired young artist growing up in the chaotic world of today. But as I was saying…

Morning meditation today found her absent, fortunately we would find out later, sleeping in after pushing herself on a three and half hour round trip yesterday after work to get started on a private mural project for which our services have been retained.

That was just fine with me. I had forced the issue of sleep last night with extra melatonin and kava, waking briefly just before 4 AM and through bare resolution of will refusing to stay that way. After meditation today I preferred to go back to sleep for whatever I might gain. It ended up being two hours of extra rest, though not quite sleep, and allowed our young friend make her way less hurriedly in this direction.

On the subject of Stephanie, a strong-willed, goodhearted youth on her way to womanhood, she broke my heart again today when I inquired about her afternoon plans. “I’ll be going to a candlelight ceremony.” She said.

It sounded like a familiar and common activity, something about the way it just rolled off her tongue so easily. I asked. It’s a memorial ceremony for a young man she knew, murdered in the park yesterday. He was 15. I have written before about the humbling gratitude and terrible reverence I have for her exposing me to her experience of life growing up in impoverished black communities.

I asked. Yes, I go to a number of these each year. Came the reply.

In her life, half of mine, she has seen with her own eyes more death than I have known in proximity. It feels important to me to recognize this, to honor it, to get so deeply in my bones how it must change.

She has the most brilliant smile.

I wasn’t out of bed until almost noon. Backside wounds still with some ways to go, but well out of the woods, fresh skin grown all the way across. It’s the little victories.

Today was scattered in activities, a bit like looking for the blade that wasn’t there. The high point probably being the time I opted out of efforts for 20 minutes to rest in meditation. I spent some time catching up with Charles, now himself waiting for the results of an MRI to determine if the fog he is gazing through will be with us for the remainder of our days, or might be blown clear by the winds of medical technology.

I also managed to enjoy a nice piece of correspondence with a distant friend, Jim, on the subjects raised by my recent shared exercise of Self Inquiry. Jim has done some wonderful work on the nature of abundance through the realization of agreements, work that has been with me for over a decade now, and I appreciated the gentle inquiry he invited with his reply.

Somehow today I managed to feel as though I kept something useful underhand for most of the moments, though really the overtone was the grey fall sky, cool air, and break of the summer’s hot pace, as if at the end of some race. Not a race I won, just one I finished.

I spent some more time beating the bushes for care, this is been hard during the pandemic, and now with a fairly narrow window for resolution remains an interesting challenge and proposition, just slightly outside of one’s reach to fully manage.

I’ve had one good reply so far, we’ll wish us luck going forward on that.


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God gets to know things, we just get to ask questions…