Kabir Kadre
Kabir Kadre

A weary Wednesday, but perhaps a silver lining…

Kabir Kadre|2 years, 4 months ago

I’m writing early today, windchimes sounding in the wind and the late afternoon light. My mind and body, metaphorically soggy. No coffee today, that may have had something to do with it. More likely it seems was the 2 1/2 hour bowel program this morning. That was physically exhausting.

I’ve been feeling some depression of psyche and emotion in the last few days. I thought perhaps the discomfort I felt in the abdomen yesterday and early this morning were resulting from that. After an excruciating exercise with Greg today removing a serious impaction, I think perhaps turning that on its head is in order.

It may have been nearly a week ago that I decided to have fish for dinner. I ate what felt like an enormous portion, and had the leftovers the following morning in a breakfast burrito with salmon. Yum. Prior to that, it had been over a month since eating any meat, and prior to that, well over a year. I now suspect my body took a little time to adapt to processing that new matter, slowing things down on their way through.

Since then I’ve been eating robust and healthy meals – ground barley hot cereal, or smoothies for breakfast; burritos with beans, cheese, vegetables, or eggs/or salads for lunch and dinner. I hadn’t really noticed things slowing down, but clearly…

As we began to round the bend this morning 90-100 minutes in, it struck me that I must’ve been backed up for some time, and thusly likely depressed from the physical congestion and not the other way around.

We lumbered me out of bed this morning just in the nick of time to visit my friend Dr. Elizabeth for a triannual checkup generally including labs, supplementation recommendations, a listen to the heart (she is after all a cardiologist ;-), spiritual and life reflections, and storytime (she is after all a brilliant human being AND an integrative medicine specialist and understands the value of subtle and peripheral data and the importance of connection.)

The visit went well, as it always does, and we took a detour on the way home, down La Jolla Scenic Drive – Greg had never been that way and it really is a must-see view of San Diego, vistas of ocean, beach, island, city, mountains, and even Mexico all in a moment’s breath.

Body still stretched, not yet feeling the fullness of wither that blesses me now, we stumbled in the door, me just conserving energy, Greg clipping along to his next engagements – today for him almost too few hours.

Then quiet, for a few minutes, the first time at my desk for the day, just reorganizing after the morning had reorganized me.

Cassandra came in a few moments later, running behind from an oil change. Feeling a little reorganized herself, she nonetheless came through the door with bells on, stepping quickly into catching up with the notes Greg left from the morning and organizing a little lunch for me.

These paragraphs feel labored through the weight of my flesh right now. That soggy sensation of a minor autonomic dysreflexia niggling like an imp hanging off my shoulders. Brain, foggy, feels like I’ve been writing for an hour (just cresting 20 minutes.)

I was able to spend a little time today on a consulting project – scoring developmental assessments for a group of coaches in Asia. Even through the slog of mind, this work is a privilege. Through the assessment I come to know the client individual through a little crack in the fabric of space-time and psyche. Each of us always, and on those pages in particular, show in simple, often innocuous ways, the flashes of unique perception and intelligence. I come away from these scoring engagements, even when I don’t eventually meet or formally coach the client directly, having come to know and therefore love a little one more in our human family.

Even so, though I could have gone I had to surrender. These words are likely the last useful work I will do today. In truth, undoubtedly I will find some miscellaneous bits of clerical effort requiring time but not much attention while I pass the 90 minutes remaining between now and Cassandra’s next visit to be of service.

Wednesday evenings, as this is, I often reserve for a little spiritual study anyway. Today perhaps, I’ll learn a little something about a famous Indian saint

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