Kabir Kadre
Kabir Kadre

A breeze of wellness…

Kabir kadre|2 years, 11 days ago

The day races by. Two interviews with new and interesting care partners, two new hires to move forward. Insurance will cover the LVN tomorrow morning to aid with the bowel program which has been a sticking point with the interim care as that particular aspect seems to fall in a grey area between “medical” and “nonmedical” procedures. Slowly, carefully, we seem to be stitching the wheels back onto the bus, at speed.

Yesterday I was in bed for the day, nursing many aspects of a broken system. There may have been a possible infection that seems to have come under control, and my spirit and heart most certainly needed the rest.

Late in the afternoon as I lay dozing with my eyes closed, I was awoken to the scent of smoke. Perfect, I thought, now fire. This should be good…

Investigating with the elderly lady from the care services, I was relieved to determine that there was the scent of smoke, but no sight of it relevant to our position. I’m quite confident it would not have been in her wheelhouse to lift me from the bed had we needed to retreat. I chuckled to myself, just the absurdity and compound absurdity of the situation.

I wrote as I was retiring two days ago some anticipatory words possible pains and anguish to come. As I made my way to the pillow that evening, just after lights out, and in the dark in fact, I found words from a friend, a sacred balm and generous guidance and followed them into the night…

“Depart from this world, for a while, My Friend.

Pandemic, Race, Election, Climate…body, staff, emotional uprisings, leave…quiet, for a while.

Let it go….breathe a long deep breath…again and again. Smile down to your toes, and throughout your gut, heart, fingers, cranial matter.

Grin in every molecule of your Being.”

The poetry continued on, I read only that much aloud to the sweet woman on her way out the door from caring for me. She choked behind her mask, tears of love and heartbreak to see such sweetness breaking through.

It was enough for me. I read on, deeply encouraged, I followed the guidance, seeing myself in nature, nature and myself, beauty, love, harmony and peace in the world…

I rested easily that night, long and still, and again last night that way as well.

There is so much suffering, I think there is more love though. Love is softer, and sometimes harder to see, but like water against rock, patient, persistent, true.

Still work to complete today, challenges to overcome, there will be more tomorrow, and grateful that I have these words. I’m grateful that I have the friendships in my life that reflect love. I am grateful that our systems of care work as well as they do, such as they are. I’m grateful that I have the brokenness of heart that refuses to stop longing for wellness in the world.

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God gets to know things, we just get to ask questions…